I don't really have any stories this time, but I would like some advice. I do promise this is actually related to Old Yeller. Also, I'm trying something new with formatting so hopefully this doesn't turn out as a super dense wall of text. I'm hoping it works. (Instant edit: it kind of did, but I can't get my paragraphs more than a single line apart, so it still looks kind of dense. Apologies.)
After that thing I ranted about recently, I discussed it with my therapist the next day, and she gave me some things to think about. I can promise that my therapist was not sticking up for or defending Old Yeller though, merely trying to provide some perspective for me.

Before I launch into it though, an important bit of context was that after Boyfriend and I discussed that ambush, I had told him that I don't want to talk to Old Yeller about anything, I just want to get away from her as soon as I can and never look back.
He said then, trying to be objective, that while he understands she's been an abusive piece of shit in the past, she deserves to know that otherwise I'm just using her for a car (she's been saving to buy me one for the last year) under the obligation of "mother" while holding a grudge against her.
He is not the first person to say this, Aunt has told me I'm using Old Yeller too. Boyfriend also said that pretty much since he and I started dating, she's been trying to get forgiveness or acceptance from me, and he's definitely not wrong. I've noticed her efforts. Which is this whole dilemma I'm having.

Anyways, Therapist made a point that Old Yeller keeps asking me how I feel about her because in her mind, she was a good parent who did a fine job. She legitimately does not know or understand that she actually really fucked up. Thus, she can't understand why I avoid her and am not close to her.
Therapist equated it to when my high school boyfriend broke up with me--I had suddenly found out that I'd been a terrible girlfriend when I had previously thought things were okay, and I had no idea what was wrong until he had told me. Therapist said she was having the same problem, having suddenly learned something was wrong but not understanding her place in it.

Therapist also made a very valid point that although Boyfriend and Aunt have told me that if I don't talk to her about this then that means I'm just using Old Yeller, she reasonably pointed out that they don't understand how hard it is.
The very thought of trying to discuss my trauma and what Old Yeller did to me with her makes everything within me want to shy away and hide. Every part of me wants to retreat from the idea. All I really wanted was to pack up and GTFO and probably never look back once I graduated.
To me, even if Old Yeller wants to make up for anything, I feel like it's too late and she should have tried harder to be a better parent if she wanted me to like her. Now? I mostly just wanted to be away from her.

However, the rest of Therapist's very valid point was that I see Old Yeller as a movie villain. A monster. A big, scary thing that is the most frightening thing I've ever encountered in my life and therefore I must stay away from at all costs. And Therapist helped me see that that was how 14-year-old Dovah saw things, but present-day-adult Dovah isn't a kid anymore and has ways of defending herself.
According to Therapist, I don't have to be afraid of Old Yeller anymore if she gets shitty. I don't have to stand there and take it. I'm not defenseless or powerless. I can walk away, leave the room, leave the house, or say something like "I'm not talking about this until you're calmer" or what-have-you. Apparently, even deflecting her and telling her I didn't want to talk about it last time she ambushed me was a protective thing to do for myself, because after three tries I finally set a boundary and Old Yeller backed off.

I think the biggest thing I realized in that therapy session though, was the reason that Aunt and Boyfriend think I should talk to Old Yeller. It's not because if I don't then I'm automatically a terrible person who is going to use her mother for a car and then promptly abandon her. During that session I remembered a quote: "Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die."
At least in Boyfriend's case, I finally figured out that he just wants me to stop drinking. He has even said to me that he doesn't think I need to like Old Yeller or even have a good relationship with her, he just wants me to be able to move past all this so I can feel better and not be miserable and angry for the rest of my life.
My therapist made a similar point: this isn't about Old Yeller, this is about me and my healing. And I couldn't wrap my head around it until I remembered the poison quote--just like Boyfriend once told me, I should do this for myself. It's not about her and what she did to me, it's about me feeling better and being able to stop drinking the poison. Holding a grudge and being angry is hurting myself more than it hurts her.

That being said, my therapist suggested that I start small and find a way to tell Old Yeller about something I am willing to talk with her about. Therapist's idea was to tell her that I appreciate that she's been making more of an effort to keep our house clean and manage the dogs and that it makes me feel cared about.

So my question is, what do you guys think? Is there a valid point here? Like, obviously Old Yeller has been an abusive piece of shit in the past, but even then I've never had the notion that she herself is an abusive hateful person.
Yeah, I'm afraid to let go of my anger and fear towards her (because then what will be protecting me from her and probably everything else?), but like...maybe Boyfriend and Therapist have a point and by talking to her and moving past this rather than running away at the first opportunity, I'll feel better?