Health-wise, here's an upfront disclaimer: I'm totally fine! I waited until I was sure I was totally fine to post this.

About a month ago, I developed some weird shit in my ladyparts. I don't want to get too specific, in case anybody who knows my family reads here (because they probably all know by now). But things were getting weird and painful, so of course I went to the gyno.

Gyno ordered biopsies and more biopsies! It hurt, and was gross because the clotting agent she uses looks like peanut butter, & when it came out of my funbits in my work bathroom, I almost screamed (Seriously, it looked JUST like someone shoved a spoonful of PB into my vag. And while I do crave PB when I have my period that is not where I put it!!!)

I told Empty Ellie, because we have this agreement where we tell each other if something worrisome is going on health-wise. This was mainly for my peace of mind, because the number of selfies she's sent from the hospital in the last few years with NO warning whatsoever is really concerning (she is getting oldish (mid 70s) and these are actually legit health problems that involved her knowing things were getting bad for some time before being hospitalized).

I also tell her I'll keep her informed as testing happens and the results and stuff so she knows when not to worry.

About two weeks after this started, when my doc wanted to take even more (and bigger!) biopsies because the first ones were "inconclusive", Empty Ellie called me saying she was really, really, REALLY worried about my hoo-haw, and it was getting to her, so she wanted to know if it was OK if she submitted a prayer slip to her church to pray for me.

Now I'm going to take a minute to say that I personally don't like this whole "pray for my daughter/sister/whatever" church thing because to me, it seems attention-seeking. I get the sentiment of it, and I understand why some people can want to do it in an...altruistic way, but I grew up going to my mom's church full o'holier-than-thou fucknuts and their fucking piety contests and "woe is me, tested like Job"-fests and I felt like this was probably feeding into that (Empty Ellie's gotta compete). I am also aware of my bias though, and honestly, she didn't ask for it in a shitty tone (if that makes sense).

It had been going on for a few weeks and I was stressed too, so I had a "Yes" on my lips when she said "I think vagina and cervix would be appropriate".

Mic drop

"Sorry? What? You think vagina and cervix would be appropriate for what?" I ask

"For what to pray for" she says "Those are the technical terms, right?"

I open my mouth. I close my mouth. I open my mouth.

"How about just 'health'. Ask them to pray for my 'health'" I say.

"Oh, that's not specific enough" she says "How about genital health?"

"No, mom" I say. "They can pray for my health, or they don't pray for me at all. I do not want your church thinking about my vag or praying for my vag"

She gets a little huffy at this and says "Well, fine then. But I bet your auntand cousin told their churches to pray for your vagina!"

I am 99.9999999999% sure that my aunt (Aunt #3) and cousin (neither of whom I've talked to about my health problems, but I'm sure Empty Ellie has) are not that stupid. If they are...ignorance is bliss.

Hopefully, Empty Ellie's church also prayed for my health. If they prayed for anything else...ignorance is bliss.