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Mom is breaking down when I talk about moving out
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27 male. I have my own car, my own bank, credit cards, etc. I am independent from my parents in all ways except that I still live with them. It is partially due to finances being tight, but also because my mother does not want me to leave.

A little backstory: my parents have a shit-tier relationship. Aka a relationshit. Iā€™ve witnessed it from when I was a child. The fighting and screaming and yellingā€”horrible for a kid. With this, I replaced my father as her emotional support. Thatā€™s a lot of baggage for a kid. That hasnā€™t stopped. At 27, she is still begging for my support (Iā€™ll come back to this).

When I tried to move a year ago, my mother had a meltdown. And I mean that. She was groveling, on her knees and screaming, ā€œPLEASE, I NEED YOU!ā€ Holy shit?? That was an awkward day. But, to my dismay, I couldnā€™t move out. Financial reasons.

So, my mother and her constant need for ā€œsupportā€. When ever they fought, Iā€™d have to lay in the bed next to my mom while she cried and talked about how horrible of a man he was. And then as I grew older, and their relationship got worse, he became even worse in my momā€™s eyes. So, once again, I had to listen while she said she was in a loveless, sexless marriage while we held hands and watching TV. I hated every second of it.

Why donā€™t you just tell her you hate doing this and it makes you feel weird?

Fantastic question. Every time Iā€™ve said so, it was met with my mother screamingā€”so loud and long she gave her self headachesā€”and then pouting for days until I renounced my wicked ways. Seriously. Sheā€™s a nut bag of a Christian and thinks everything is spiritual. Satan sent my girlfriend apparently and sheā€™s trying to ruin the ministry God gave me. Well goddamn, Satan!

Thanks for reading this far. I cringed multiple times while writing, so no biggie fam.

TLDR; Iā€™m wanting to know if Iā€™m being a jerk about spending time with my mother or if itā€™s actually as weird as I think.

Edit 1: Thank you all so much for the kind words! Itā€™s a strange situation and I feel bad for being disgusted by my mother due to this. So many of you have suggested I set firm boundaries. I 100% agree. However, even the smallest boundaries start a blowup. And you know I got examples.

My mother has not let go of washing my clothes (IM 27!!!) and refuses to let me do them myself. When I told her I would take care of them, she told me since she has such a small amount of her own, she needs mine to make a wash worth the money. Well, I took my laundry basket from the garage, and moved it as far away from the washing machine as possible. She wonā€™t stop asking me to do my clothes and when I tell her no she gets offended and mad and says Iā€™m controlling and being cruel. And of course, lots of yelling.

Edit 2: Popping in again to thank everyone for the advice. Iā€™m at a loss for words over the kind words and genuine care in the comments. I appreciate it more than you know.

The overwhelming consensus is for me to rip the bandaid off and dip. Iā€™m currently looking for a job out of state so I can leave and have a good reason for doing so. Iā€™m not sure what will come from it, but that is my plan.

Also, boundaries. Mine suck. I know that. I have set them up but she consistently bulldozes them. I have gotten better, but the moment the yelling and threats come out I back down.

Per the advice of all the kind strangers on the post, Iā€™ll set firmer boundaries. If my mother has a meltdown Iā€™ll remove myself from the situation and remain observational instead of reactional. Thankfully Iā€™ve gotten pretty good at grey rocking sošŸ˜‚

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6 months ago