First time poster, long time lurker. Please don't use this anywhere...thanks.

So I have a long history and it would take ages to write everything down. I apologize in advance for any formatting or if it's somewhat jumbled. I'll try and go through a quick history.

My mother is a huge narcissist. I think she prides herself on being this way. My entire life growing up with her was hell - until I moved to my JYDad's house several states away. And even then she would guilt trip me at 15 - saying "oh I raised you for blah blah many years, why won't you come home, what I have done to deserve this, blah blah blah". She would do this at least every couple of weeks. Even at that age I would go very limited contact with her.

When I was about 18 or so, I moved back to my home state. Got a pretty decent job, met my first husband, had my daughter. I wasn't really talking to her that much, even though she was only about 15 minutes away from me. I was still really LC with her. We ended up moving to England, I had my middle son over there. Still not much from here, a call here and a call there.

Life changes, went through a divorce, moved back to where my dad lives from the UK. Had an amazing job over there, daughter and son thrived. Then I get a phone call. My mom has breast cancer. She begs me to move home to help her. Me being who I am, I do agree. I move back home and honestly I should have turned around and left at this point. She drags me into multiple lies, etc (while yes she did have breast cancer, it wasn't as bad as she was making it seem). She again guilts trips me into staying. The whole time not once telling me thank you!

After a while, she does the chemo and cancer is gone. She kicks me out of the house. Stating "I have no room for you but your kids can stay". I say no and I take my kids and move (same town, but found a great apt). Met a guy, never did get married - he was very abusive. Ended up having my youngest son and he took off.

Of course my mother decides to tell me what an awful person I am for not being able to keep a man, etc etc. All the while trying to steal the kids from me.

I ended up applying and getting a job in Arizona. The kids and I move. Stay there about 4 years and I transfer my job to upstate NY. Yes, quite the difference in weather. But way more money.

I meet my now husband. My youngest son has been having problems with electronics, so he can't use them. He is 15 now and has no phone of his own and can't use a tablet or video games (unless he's with my husband's kids on the weekends). He gets in a zone with electronics and it's all about it and his school work suffers and his attitude suffers. So we pretty much nixxed those. However he is an amazing kid, super smart, etc.

This is where my JNMom comes in. My son had been lying and being sneaky. He had a phone hidden from us (transferring it back and forth to his friends house so we wouldn't find it, he screwed up one day and we found it). Come to find out both my mother and my daughter (who is now a carbon copy of my mother as they talk everyday and she has turned my daughter against me, she lies, she guilt trips, manipulates, etc) have known that my youngest son has had a phone for a year now and has been sending him cashapp money to purchase snacks and stuff but has not told me about it.

They have been enabling my youngest to lie to us, stating it's okay for him to do this and that he is entitled to whatever he wants and what I say doesn't matter. Then my mother has been trying to convince me to move my son with her since he is so out of control. And then my daughter tried to come in and say the same. That he can move in with her since I think he is so horrible. I've never said this about any of my children. No matter what they've put me through. My middle son (20) is in TN with my dad (he doesn't talk to my mother or his sister because of how they are). He talks to me everyday. He goes to college down there.

I have sent texts to my mom asking her why she would do certain things (about my youngest) and she turns it around and tells me it's my fault.

My JYDad has told me to get a restraining order on my mother for my youngest and me. Because of the harrassment and what she tells my youngest. He is very impressionable and she uses that. I'm very very low contact to pretty much NC with her...But it's not just her. It's my daughter (23) causing problems too as she is caught up in my mother's lies and manipulations. I hate not talking to my daughter, it kills me inside. I just can't take her blatant disrespect for my family. My JNMom keeps telling my daughter that she raised her and her brother (middle son) which is not true. Not once did they ever live with my mother. But it has my daughter believing her (I don't know how, but she believes my mom's lies). And somehow it's all my fault. My mother keeps ending the calls or texts with "If you need to put all the blame on me, so be it" or "If I have to be the bad guy I guess I will". Telling me I need to apologize to her with how she's been treated and how she doesn't need to apologize to me for enabling my son to lie to us over and over.

I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe a little advice here on exactly how to handle my mom and my daughter on this. Calling me a horrible mom, etc when I've never done anything horrible to my kids. They've had a great life growing up. My youngest son is in therapy and does great. My daughter tells everyone that he's in therapy because he's depressed and suicidal, but that's not true. His therapist says he's not depressed at all, he is on no medication, and he's a happy go lucky kid (outside the lying and manipulation on their part). My daughter has been telling me that the whole family is against me, how horrible I have treated her and my other kids (my middle son tells his sister to stop lying and to leave him out of this but she uses him in her lies too).

I just don't know what to do. It hurts that my mother has used my daughter this way and twisted her mind. It hurts that I'm not close to my daughter (I've tried multiple times to get close). I'm really close to my boys. I'm stressed lately about it all.

Thanks for reading my mess!