CW: Miscarriage

Hi there, its my first post here and reading some of the truly horrid things that have happened to some of y'all and the horrible ways MILs can behave I'm wondering if I even belong here. But over the past two years since my husband and I moved out of state (to my home state, away from his family) my MIL has went from being one of my best friends to becoming increasingly distant, and now I feel she's starting to cross into JN territory.

My husband and I married in 2020 (Covid wedding) and had our wedding in 2021. MIL was wonderful in helping plan my bridal shower, and we had a jubilant wedding ceremony and reception with absolutely no drama. The post-wedding high lasted all of a week before things started hitting the fan. Health issues at first - I had my second miscarriage and my first one that was far enough along to definitively tell it was a miscarriage (#1 was in 2020 and I didn't have a positive pregnancy test to confirm). Midway through having the miscarriage (like the actual process of bleeding out which takes days), we get a Christmas card from MIL and SFIL in the mail, which is weird cause in past years they never mailed out cards but whatever. Its a photo card with pictures of my BIL's kids - the grandchildren. Of course I am going thru a traumatic loss at this time so I'm emotional and start thinking MIL is disappointed in us for not having kids yet but I internalise it and move on.

2022 goes on, I'm still not fully mentally healed from the miscarriage, got some other issues had an unrelated NDE (near death experience) in April, etc. MIL is distant with us and I assume its from the distance, we now live 2 hours from her as opposed to 15 minutes away prior to moving in mid 2021. Husband and I still have trouble getting pregnant but we're also trying to focus on other things like volunteering at the church, etc. And for 2 months straight MIL promises she will come visit us and see our apartment (which we've been in for a year at this point and she still hasn't seen).

Summer goes by, then fall and next thing we know its October and its been close to 3 months since MIL has been promising to visit and cancelling last minute. (Which I hate btw, since we would drop everything to keep up plans that end up getting canned). So finally I told her I didn't like feeling disposable, and I started getting into some of the deeper feelings that it dredges up like feeling that she doesn't want to make time for us because we don't have kids. I told her that I understood it wasn't her intention & she was just busy but it comes across that way and hurts me deeply so could she please stop? She didn't quite understand what I meant but agreed she would try harder to make time for us and finally came and saw us a few weeks later and even brought her grandchildren (our nieces) to a church event we were volunteering at. All was well.

Until Christmastime. Again with the Christmas card drama. This time I was prepared for a card with just the grandchildren on it. I was expecting that. I was not expecting the photo she would use to be from the church event, a group photo of all of us, WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND CROPPED OUT. I flipped out on her. All the wonderful photos of those kids she could have used and she had to do something clearly intentional like that?!? But of course she claimed ignorance, said she "just liked the picture", and everyone including my own mother said I was overreacting and to drop it. So I did. I also started working harder in therapy to overcome my bitterness over my past two miscarriages which I was worried was still coloring the way I looked at interactions with people especially my ILs.

2023 started on a high note. I stopped caring about living up to any real or perceived expectations from my ILs and I started pursuing healthy habits and doubling down on volunteering in the community. I even focused harder at my job than I ever had before! And then... I got pregnant again. This time I had a chance to seek medical attention - blood tests, prenatal appointments, ultrasounds. We had a 6 week ultrasound of our little "jellybean" and against all common sense advice, and because I didn't want to go through this alone, we told everyone we were pregnant. MIL, like everyone, was over the moon. We went from hearing from her once a month to hearing from her weekly maybe even more. She even sent me a pregnancy pillow from Amazon! It looked like smooth sailing and the only drama happening would be who would host the baby shower - her or my mother (we decided my mother would, mainly for location reasons. MIL was surprisingly cool with it.) Things were good

Then last Monday, things stopped being good. There was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. I of course being an optimist demanded a million tests and follow-up scans and whatnot, and yesterday it confirmed the worst: we lost our baby at roughly 9 weeks. I told my MIL at one point between the first no-heartbeat ultrasound and the confirmation, and she kind of clammed up, said a heartfelt condolence, and then we tried to change the subject. She told my husband's aunt although I learned that was not out of malice and was because the aunt had been through multiple miscarriages herself. And I haven't heard from her since then.

Today on facebook I log in and there's a post front and center of my lovely nieces. Normally something that would make me smile, but it was MIL who posted it, with the caption, "Grandkids make life GRAND" To say I lost my shit would be an understatement. She's literally pretending our baby - who had a name, a photo, etc - never existed just because I miscarried. I thought about posting the ultrasound pic, but its too soon for me to tell everyone what we're going through. So instead I just sent her a long text message, a little angry and emotionally charged, but 100% honest. I'm seriously considering going NC with her over this. Or something. But I may be letting my grief get away from me. So...am I overreacting?