So I posted the other day, saying my dad was coming. There was some good advice in that thread, but ultimately, I couldn't get out of it, and he did come today

Essentially, offered to buy me a lot of stuff for the house, no anger, shouting etc, but did say more than once that I had to ' sort it out ' with mum and h.S

essentially, ( even though no shouting ) I have felt hopeless since he left, dark dark thoughts, again...

I do miss my little niece but do not feel I should be the one sorting it out, and the fact they haven’t really reached out, tells me that they are going to make it very difficult to fix, if indeed I were to reach out

I have no idea what to do

Feel so trapped, sufficated, just like I can’t move or breathe.

It’s like I’m pinned down by both fear, and thoughts of just not wanting to be here anymore

I know this might seem a little dramatic to some

I have basically no quality of life though, I know I don’t contribute anything I wish there was a way for me to just slip away quietly

I’m not even really sure what I want.

Do I reach out like I was told to do?

How can I when I don’t authentically feel this is what I want to do?

None of them have any idea that after last big incident that happened, I spiraled and had to go back to s***ide counselling, wasn’t taking care of personal care etc..

If you made it this far, thanks for reading

Grateful as always, for responses