I haven’t had to see my JN-INLAWS for around 2 glorious months. Now there are birthday parties galore coming up. They are SO covertly narcissistic, passive aggressive, and cliquey that they consistently make me look like the bad one, and they look innocent in my DH’s eyes. I am considering divorce/separation but it’s complicated because we have a baby and I’m from another country, in a remote area far from an airport.

Custody arrangement would be very hellish, and I don’t want to be that far from my child when it’s her father’s time with her. And no, him coming to my country would not even be an option. He’s unvaccinated and not allowed in. He also doesn’t have time off work.

Anyway, MIL, SIL, BIL’s wife, and MIL’s niece are the ones who constantly take my baby from me and go take pics with her (without me in them.. or take unflattering ones of me and post them everywhere), they call my baby names like “chubby” or “pork chop” as they pick her up and walk off with her (even though she’s average healthy baby weight.)

The only time they talk to me is to ask me if I’m back at work yet, and when I’m letting 75 year old MIL babysit full time “when” I go back to work (all other adult children do this, so I’m against their norm).

They don’t know I’m self employed and don’t need childcare. I tend to Grey-rock them because they gossip, and I’m so tired of 7 years of never feeling “good enough” or trying to fit in.

My ignorant DH thinks I’m too sensitive, nobody is out to hurt me, his family are great people, etc.

I’ve been to countless events of theirs: wedding showers, baby showers, birthday parties, baptisms, etc. But they are the only “family” I have here, so we didn’t have any wedding/baby shower for me, not even a small celebration, not even a dinner or a cheers to our engagement. We also didn’t even have the 1st birthday party I wanted for our daughter. DH said no because he doesn’t like to be the center of attention, it was also during covid in the winter so we couldn’t do anything outside. We ended up having a small birthday party for her at mother-in-law‘s house with just his siblings. I used all the decorations I bought months earlier when I was planning for a larger party with some of my daughters friends and my mom friends, but it felt so stupid decorating and putting out all this food for like seven people.

Now, JNSIL is having yet another huge birthday party for one of her kids, a themed one of course, and DH is all excited about going, and doesn’t see the problem. Makes me feel like he thinks her kids and everybody else are more important than me and my daughter.

For DD’s next birthday I am going to bring her home, to my country and have a decent birthday party for her there, regardless of what he says. Even though he’ll want to also have a family party on his stupid side of the family. The typical kind, where MIL hosts, and we all just sit at her table for hours on end.

I don’t know if I am being petty and overly sensitive, but I just needed to vent. I have to put on a happy face and go to all these stupid parties coming up for these asshole people. And for what? So I can sit there and feel neglected and ignored? Or send my daughter and husband alone so I can sit at home and feel rejected?

I will try to have fun with my daughter, and make sure nobody feeds her out of their dirty hands because I really don’t want her getting sick. I have no support here and I don’t want to take care of a sick baby all by myself. DH also tends to ignore me when we’re around his family. He is a quiet person, but it is so dumb that we just sit beside each other in utter silence. Like I said, I spent seven years trying to start conversations with them, trying to join into conversations with them, trying to be funny, trying to go with their shitty vibe, etc., and after constantly feeling like an idiot, feeling left out and knowing that they are gossiping about me (BIL’s wife knew things that I never told her — that I only told MIL) I started gray rocking them all. But I still always maintain a polite, civil, positive composure.

When they start gossiping about another family member, I literally just turn the other way. I want no part of that.

I moved to this country to be with him, and that was the biggest mistake. And I would advise that any woman should never move away from her family and support system.