I’ll start by saying the relationship between me and my sister-in-law has always been a bit strained. We are complete opposites - she is ultra feminine, I am a tomboy. She operates from emotion, I operate from logic. She is sentimental, I am practical. She is an extrovert, I am an introvert. The list goes on.

She is not someone I want to be friends with or spend much time with; we’re very different people. The problem is that she doesn’t seem to be okay with the fact I’m not like her and don’t want to be her best friend. I have always gotten the feeling she is resentful I am not as enmeshed with her as her side of the family is with each other. Also, anything different from what she does or likes is open to digs and jabs from her, which is pretty much everything about me. I maintain civility toward her for the sake of having a relationship with my brother and niece/nephew.

But today’s issue is about gifts. My SIL is an excellent gifter; she always gets very thoughtful gifts that suit the receiver perfectly - except me. Every gift I have received from her has been something she knows I do not use, but she thinks I should use. This year was makeup. I have not worn makeup since I was a teenager. She knows this, and she knows the reason I don’t is because I have a sensory processing disorder and cannot stand the feel of it on my face. The time before that was an incredibly low-cut, cleavage-baring top. I am modest by nature and do not own a single top that shows cleavage. And before that she gifted me perfume, scented candles, gaudy jewelry - all of which she knows I have sensory issues with.

I am really trying to understand her thinking here. Why does she waste good money on things she knows I can’t/won’t use? Why does she keep pushing her own tastes and styles onto me? And how do I deal with these judgements in the guise of gifts?