It's been over a year since I last spoke to my grandparents. After what happened between my mother and I, and how they tried to simultaneously rugsweep and shift at least an equal portion of the blame onto me for it.

Today I got a call at work from my grandfather. When I answered, I was barely able to speak because I've been losing my voice while recovering from this terrible flu that my partner passed onto me.

He told me how much he missed me, and begged me to come visit for Christmas. He apologized "for everything", and I could hear him sobbing. I've never seen or heard my grandfather cry before, and it broke my heart and all the angry things I had mentally prepared. I told him I could not if my Buffalo Millie is there, which he promised me she would not be, due to some incident involving a marble rolling pin which has left her crippled.

I told him that I am not making any promises, that I will have to talk it over with my partner.

I did not tell him that she and I are getting legally married this week, or how I would reach him to let him know of my answer, if I let him know.

I'm not sure what to do, and I'm waiting for my partner to come home so we can talk about it.

Update: FDW and I talked about it last night and she believes that Christmas is out of the question, and I agree. I'm still thinking about whether or not it's a good idea to meet up with him, on neutral ground. If we do, it will have to be after Christmas. We are both pretty small women and I can easily imagine someone trying to box us is on Christmas. I can see this going badly given how the rest of the family has treated me in the past when I went NC for nearly 2 years when I was 19 to 21. We don't want our Christmas day ruined because my family is uncouth and can't help but make complete asses of themselves.

In the mean time, we are considering getting us a burner phone, should I want to speak to my grandfather. Giving him my real number is not acceptable. I don't trust him not to give it out, knowingly or not.

Boundaries are being discussed, along with consequences should those boundaries be ignored.

Neutral ground is required. He doesn't get to know where we live. He doesn't get my real phone number. Telling me my pixie cut makes me look like a boy, or in anyway calling me a boy will cause me to get up leave. Asking me to give Buffalo Millie another chance or go see her is not acceptable. I'm not telling him of our marriage. Using my love for my little sister to guilt me is out of the question, and asking me to see her will earn him "When she is 18." No gifts, at all. Touching will be held to a minimum.

Chances are if we do meet he will not recognize me. I've not only gained a significant amount of weight (50 lbs, putting me at a healthy weight for the first time in my life), but I do not look like the boy that was abused by his mother anymore. Instead, I look like the woman I've always known I was, and that I've been working with doctors for over 2 years to be represented externally.

My mental health has grown significantly more stable, and we can't allow them to get a hold of that and hurt that. We've come too far for that.

They've made me a stranger to them, and they need to remember that their view on who I was and should have been was just a fantasy on their part. I am a completely different person externally and internally from what they remember.