Like seriously, something about it just never sat right with me, even human nature is utterly disgusting to me. Like, just basic things like the reproductive and digestive systems feel borderline insulting. Like, people celebrate bloating up as a parasite leeches nutrients off of them and binds itself to them, waiting to slowly ooze out as a disgusting flesh droplet instead of just staying safe in an egg somewhere like the majority of the animal kingdom. We celebrate stuffing our oral cavities with bits of flesh from animals we murdered, turning it into fat and shit in a process people say we should enjoy. Most of the earth is deep in the mantle and core, most of the crust is inaccessible right now, most of the surface is ocean, most of the land is wilderness, most of the usable land is farmland, we have rural and suburban areas, and urban areas that are still quite wasteful all for a single person to be outweighed by the amount of random shit they need to live, and most of their actual self is mere unthinking body, most of their brains are designed to cater to that body, and only a tiny sliver is genuine consciousness, you, and that consciousness is flawed in numerous ways anway. Like, for example the moment we run out of food, all pretense of cvility and morality give way to selfish primal instincts to cram more biomass into ourselves. And I've never found beauty in nature either, I don't get why so many people are emotionally dependent on the amount of green shit in their immediate vicinity. And the weird sentimentality towards the environment always irritated me. Like, I'm an environmentalist, but purely for pragmatic reasons, it's merely transactional coexistence with the thing that we temporarily depend on for our immediate survival in the near future. Environmentalism isn't about "toughing grass" or "reconnecting with mother nature" it's about living long enough to break out of the shackles of darwinism. I get genuinely nervous when environmentalists tall about "degrowth" and "living in harmony with nature" because fundamentally that translates to tearing down significant portions of our civilization because of our temporary carrying capacity at this technological level, then further making ourselves vulnerable by becoming completely dependent on nature. The future of Earth (if it isn't outright disassembled) will likely be as an ecumenopolis, shellworld, or planet wide supercomputer, none of which leave room for the sentimentality towards the ecosystem. For whatever reason I've always hated the past, don't get me wrong it's fascinating, but in a haunting, disgusting sort of way. I don't even like the present, for all that it's better than the past. Singularity or not, we are like a light switch balancing between off and on, and with just a slight nudge, in the blink of the cosmic eye, we'll be on, and once that happens everything will fundamentally change, it's the shift from a world dominated by biology and darwinism to a world of technological design and meticulously crafted beauty. I often feel as though I were born too early, before the light switch fully flipped on.

So yeah, that was my little ramble, it's not entirely rational (but since when are humans anyway) and a bit dramatic, but still this has always been my frustration, my inherent dislike of the natural. Not really sure where the attitude came from, I've just always had a (more tech= better) attitude, and while I try to curb that reflex, I still have this innate pull towards the advanced, hence my disillusionment with the natural world at times. Does anyone else feel this way? If you like nature, why? I'm genuinely curious because I've never really understood the sentiment.