I (22f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for about 10 months now. We signed a lease together early on because he was struggling with housing. We have an open phone policy because he has always been so paranoid about me cheating on him. I have never cheated before and he has in every relationship before me. He convinced me he’s changed since his last relationships and that I’m the one, I’m perfect, and he would never do that to me.

We started off in an open relationship. I was polyamorous before I met him and I thought he was too. We agreed to close things about 4 months in and he assured me we could open it again if I wanted. For the past 3 months I have brought up opening our relationship again, and every time without fail he screams at me and throws a fit. Says “if you love me you wouldn’t need anyone else” and “I don’t understand why I’m not enough”. So I let it go and gave up on the idea for his comfort.

A few hours ago I decided to look through his phone and surprise! He has been messaging random internet strangers on reddit for months now trying to meet up. The last time he messaged someone it was this month after we got into a huge fight about opening our relationship. I woke him up to confront him and he just kept lying until I read the texts out loud to him. He was super quiet until I told him that I’m talking to our landlord tomorrow to figure out what to do. Then he started begging and crying. He told me that he knows he loves me and he doesn’t know why he did it.

I know I’ll be okay, I’m just so scared. I’m scared of being alone, of not having someone to come home to. I made it clear we were over but I don’t actually want it to be. I’m not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe some support or kind words? I’m terrified of what the future holds.

TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend has been trying to hook up with other people.