I met my GF on Tinder; she and I had both recently come out of relationships. I have not seen, spoken to or contacted my ex in any way for a year. My GF however does maintain contact with hers. Their relationship ended very suddenly (ie almost overnight) when she discovered he had been seeing someone else.

I have no issue with this in principle. She repeatedly tells me that she has no feelings for him, doesn't like him and rarely speaks to him. However, I instinctively feel when she has been in contact, and whenever I ask her casually if she has, she will deny it (and tell me I'm overthinking and paranoid), and then at a later date either let slip by accident, or admit when pressed, that she has been talking to him (usually via WhatsApp, but occasionally via video call or phone call). Even on the occasions when she does tell me she'd spoken to him (usually when - according to her - he's messaged her), I often feel like she's missing out details (and am accused of being paranoid etc if I say so). After every occasion when I am proved right, she tells me she hides her contact with him, or leaves things out because she knows it would hurt me, despite her insistence that she has no feelings for him.

I have repeatedly told her (and genuinely believe this to be true) that I have no issue at all with her talking to her ex, about anything. I have also tried to reassure her that it's perfectly natural to still have some feelings for him, given the nature of their relationship ending. I never get pangs of jealousy when she does openly and freely tell me what they talked about / when they spoke etc. I do however feel very upset when she denies she's had contact, or tells me vague snippets of conversation, and then later reveals the truth.

A few weeks ago she told me that she had a feeling that her ex was in a very low place, possibly suicidal, hadn't been home for days, hadn't eaten or washed etc. I suggested that she reach out to him, and would be perfectly fine if he came over for a few days to sort himself out (I could see she was worried). She said she wouldn't and that she felt no obligation to help him.

I was then out of the country on business. Whilst away, she said he'd been in touch, was indeed in a dark place, and would I mind if we offered him a sanctuary for a few days. I willingly agreed; I know she loves me as I love her, and in any case her female friend was staying with her in our house.

So, he came to stay. She messaged me frequently whilst he was in our house, saying it was fine but he mostly slept or kept himself to himself, and that she was reminded of how much of an a-hole he was. We joked about how she could have fallen for such a guy. I asked her a few times causally if he'd made a move, which she denied.

After he left, she messaged me with a full account of his stay - or so I thought. She told me that they had stayed up late one night having a heart to heart, where he told her he had feelings for her. She told me she'd said she had no feelings and that he should sleep. She said the following day, he was sitting on the sofa, asked her to come and look at something on the phone, which turned out to be porn, and she said she shrugged and walked away.

After I returned home, we chatted one night and she said she needed to tell me that actually, she'd sat next to him, they watched a little porn together and he rested his head on her shoulder. She said she asked him if he wanted sex 'as a test', but he said no, because it wouldn't be right and he didn't feel the same way anymore.

Then 2 days ago whilst we were drunk late at night, she told me that they'd actually been laying on his bed watching porn, and that she'd held his dick. I asked if they'd kissed and she said no. This morning I asked her why she still felt uncomfortable telling me things. She got really angry saying I had trust issues and would get hurt if she told me what in her view was innocent but which I would interpret as cheating. In the heat of the argument, she told me that he was naked (but apparently she wasn't, and insists they didn't kiss), and also that she'd sat on the side of the bath stroking his dick later that day too 'because he asked her too'. She also said 'they tried to have sex' but there was no spark, and that I was being ridiculous to think that she was cheating on me because she doesnt have feelings for him....

I feel like I now have the whole picture (I can usually tell when there are bits missing), but now... I love her dearly and don't want to lose her. I also feel she loves me very much too.

But am I being a pushover by not confronting her or kicking her out? A voice in my head says I should. My heart can't bear the idea.

Thoughts welcome.