Quick (ha, oops) and dirty stream of consciousness reviews of samples from my first passionate but sometimes misguided indie orders. They either need to leave or need to be worn. To avoid falling under the spell of the same prose that encouraged me to buy these, I’m not going to reference the scent notes before testing. I have no idea if anyone will find these reviews useful, but I thought it was time to contribute after enjoying so many of everyone’s reviews for so long.

General likes, dislikes, biases – I like it dirty (in all senses of the word), atmospheric, leaning towards masculine, indolic, cold, industrial. I like my florals white and my caves dank. There will be no gourmands in any of these reviews. The town I grew up in smelled like October at Micheals all year long and I never need to smell Fall in a Jar again.

Sorry for the random order, I just yanked them out of the drawer and went for it.

Riverside Hayride:  Not verdant, but the ghost of verdancy. The tired hot smell of a twice cut hay field in late September. With some spice/apple cider/essence of craft store layered thickly overtop. There’s a sweetness that is like absolute zero of sex - it is not possible for the concept of sex to exist to a lesser degree than it exists in this perfume. Not a wholesome absence of sex, a creepy void. I want off the wagon ride, immediately.

Actual Notes: Moist Dirt, White Carnations, Fallen Leaves, Bare Branches, Hay & a Hint of Pressed Apples

When I’d wear this:  If I ever get homesick for an economy based solely on fall tourism.

Yay/Nay: Nope

Midnight Marquee:  Dr. Pepper Chapstick at the bottom of my mom’s purse nestled amongst the limp gum wrappers that are almost starting to compost, corroded pennies, and flecks of tobacco. The greenhouse effect in your grandmother’s Oldsmobile. A Baptist preacher.

Actual Notes: Black Musk, Gasoline, Supple Leather, Earth, Tobacco, Moss, Leaves, Foxcroft Air, Vanilla Musk. (This should have been right up my alley. Damn.)

Where I’d wear this: If someone drags me back to a Baptist church, perhaps it will confuse and repel the preacher and I can avoid the clutching handshake and prolonged eye contact.

Yay/Nay: Absolutely not.

Manor Fire: This is kind of boozy, the idea of an aged liquor. Earthy, boozy, traces of a fruity sweetness. Based on the name I suspect this is supposed to be smoky. Not getting that. But I am getting hot wood and maybe an unlit cigar. Sneaking god knows what liqueur from the dusty liquor cabinet at grandma’s and sipping it in the attic cedar closet.

Actual Notes: Manor base, Smoke, Charred Wood, Melted Beeswax, Wood Resin, Dry Wood, Burning Leaves, Worn Leather. Manor Base: Woody-Vanilla Musk, Vanilla, Agarwood (Oud), Sandalwood

Where I’d wear this: When someone drags me to a pretentious bourbon bar.

Yay/Nay: Eh. It’s not super me, but it is nice. Lives another round. I go to pretentious bourbon bars often enough.

Gehenna: This is fun because I have absolutely no memory of what this is. Is it rain? Is it more hay? Is it tropical florals? Oh! It’s a civilized nightmare hippie girl*! Unexpected. This is the air *outside* of your adolescent head shop. It’s not crazy strong and that fresh air mixed in keeps it well on the clean side of dirty hippie. It’s the accumulated general waft of perfume oils, candles, jars of incense, and unflattering hemp pants.

Actual Notes: Red Musk, Dragon's Blood Resin, Burning Wood, Somalian Myrrh, Egyptian Musk.

Where I’d wear this: To buy my mom a Mother’s Day gift at Pier One Imports.

Yay/Nay: Nay. But teenage me would have loved it.

*Nitemare Hippy Girl is my favorite Beck song, no offense intended toward any hippie girls, nightmare or otherwise…she’s a frolicking depression, she’s a self-inflicted obsession…

Gunnerson’s Pumpkin Patch: (I’m so tempted to look up the notes for this, based on the name I had no business ordering it.)  Vegetal. Not green, not grass, not floral, not trees. Just plant matter. A well-used mug, with an indelible patina of sweetened coffee. Maybe some booze. An overripe apple. My grandfather’s after shave. If Riverside Hayride was an 8/10 on the Fall in a Jar scale, this is a 2.5/10.

Actual Notes: Leaves, Vines, Autumn Air, Pumpkin Flesh, Lavender, Moss, Balsam, Tonka, Hay, Caramel, Dirt, Patchouli, Mushroom.

Where I’d wear this: To mow the grass for the last time this year. No, really, this will be the last time. Surely.

Yay/Nay: Nay. That aftershave/sweet thing catches in my throat a little. It’s either nostalgia or nausea, hard to tell. Hour later: Damn it, it is nostalgia. I’m keeping it, but not for wearing. Just in case one day I really need to smell my grandaddy when he came in from an afternoon of yard work.

Tropical Moon: White floral. The ghost of sunblock. Just the very barest hint, the concept of a hint, of tropical funk. Coconut. This smells like my luggage when I unpack from a beach trip.

Actual Notes: Coconut, Tuberose, Tahitian Gardenia, Lime.  

Where I’d wear this: To the airport if I were flying to Omaha, to confuse people.

Yay/Nay: Sure. I’m a sucker for white florals. No harm in embracing my inner basic beach bitch on occasion.

Foxcroft: Not gonna lie, this is day three of testing this house. And I’m kind of dreading this. Have I mentioned my youth spent awash in Fall in a Jar? Yes? Okay. Here we go. Hey! This isn’t bad. This is that same field from the hayride, but just after the second cutting. It’s fresher, greener, a more natural sweet, and no one has plugged in an Autumn Splendor air freshener. There’s a touch of something, a little petrichor, a little potting soil, that I quite enjoy.

 Actual Notes: Decaying Leaves, Rich Black Soil, Dry Leaves, Fall Air, Woods, Chimney Smoke. (Apparently I can't smell their smoke note.)

Where I’d wear this: Trail riding at the state park or when I really start to grumble about how underwhelming September is in Texas. (Like now.)

Yay/Nay: Yay! Finally.

Foxcroft Intense: What’s going on here? Citrus? That seems unlikely. I’m confused. There’s a (maybe) creamy medicinal orange layered over that nice late summer hay field. It’s hinting at fallen leaves, but really crispy ones. Those mystery notes eventually mature into something fairly masculine and vaguely autumnal. Maybe a 1.5/10 on the Fall in a Jar scale. For once in my life, I prefer the less intense option. I kind of want to rub them together and make Foxcroft Medium.

Where I’d wear this:  Second date at a state fair? It’s outdoorsy adjacent, unusual but not outright weird. I feel like the cows and goats would like it and I’d get to pet them.

Yay/Nay: Eh…yay. I don’t know if I’ll wear it, but just in case I get to test my petting zoo theory.

Actual Notes: Decaying Leaves, Dry Leaves, Dirt, Wood Smoke, Fir Balsam, Cedar, Cypress Wood, Oakmoss, Patchouli, Vetiver, Rain, Bayberry and more.

Full Dark: Overripe fruit. In a very sensual, pleasant way. There’s something brown. Old suede? The very well-worn arm of a wooden chair? Something sharp, acrid, but just a glimpse of it. The bar in a very old, very nice hotel. Dim lighting, leather chairs, a deep red dress. That soft, lonesome, wanting feeling, solitude begging to be intruded upon.

Actual Notes: Amber resin, saffron, black rose, black musk, oud, fossilized amber, leather, smoked amber, spice

Where I’d wear this: When I take myself to a pretentious cocktail bar. Anytime I have the opportunity to walk alone down a cobblestone side street with flattering lighting.

Yay/Nay: Yes. And I probably need more. Which means I’ll order more samples and be back here in a year.

I fully expected to get rid of most of these. Oh well. They really don’t take up that much space…