Continuing to share more about my sex life with step father.

1. ~He let me dry hump him till I came~
2. ~He used me to let out his frustrations~
3. ~He fucked me so tenderly after using me~
4. ~He taught me a lesson for being a whore~

Things never really went back to normal after that. I sat in my bed for a while before going outside and standing outside their bedroom. They were inside, my mom was yelling and my step dad didn’t seem to be holding back. I heard some loud smacks and thuds and I had a feeling their fight was going to lead to fucking, if they weren’t already doing that, that is. I left the house after that, spending the night at a friend’s place. My body was spent, my pussy was still throbbing and sore and mentally I don’t think I had ever felt so drained. Yet, I had clarity. I observed the absence of shame and guilt. You can judge me all you want, but I had no regrets about fucking my step dad and I didn’t care that my mom now knew about our relationship. Even if all I was to him was a cock sleeve, it was the most important relationship of my life. I finally felt like I had purpose and a reason to live the next day. I now realize that that’s no way to function. It was incredibly damaging and I am afraid I have never fully recovered from the relationship I forged between my sense of self worth and objectifying/asexualizing myself. All I was really worried about was what was going to change between us and whether I was going to have a place to stay. 

While I didn’t have regrets, I was still able to take a step back and admire the dumpster fire situation that my life was at the moment. It was gross and horrible and the fact that I didn’t hate myself or my life knowing these things made me feel like I was kind of a monster. I slept poorly. I drank a lot to numb myself. And I played a lot of video games when I was with my step brother. He also introduced me to books that I never got around to reading at that time but I kept the hard copies with me and they are some of the only physical proofs I have of my life that used to be. 

When I went back home I cornered my step dad and begged him to tell me everything that happened with mom. If you didn’t already realize, he was blunt and had no problem giving it to me straight. He told me that my mother was horrified that he would fuck her daughter.  “What did you send me in there to do when you told me to teach her a lesson?” he had asked her.

“I don’t know.” she had screamed, “maybe slap her around?”

“Oh trust me, I did more than just hurt her.” It drove my mother to throw a raging fit and she was inconsolable until my step father practically recreated the scene in my bedroom. He held her down, laying on top of her until she calmed down. I got the sense that they were more physically aggressive with each other than he was with me. She tried forcing him to admit that he’d never touch me again if he wanted to stay married to her. When she realized that that held no sway over him she begged him to not fuck me. He told me that he fell to her knees, literally begging her before she gave him sloppy head with tears streaking down her face. He said, “I couldn’t really say no to her in a situation like that.”

I asked him, “So are you planning to stick to your promise?”

“What do you think? It’s my house, you live in it. I don’t think she can get me to stop. Though I will say that this has become a highly inconvenient situation and I’d prefer not to fuck you while she’s home.”

He stayed away for a few days and I isolated myself more than imaginable. I did nothing but go work at the greasy diner where I got shit pay, come home and sleep. I took the odd hour shifts so that I didn’t have to be alone in my room at night. I knew I didn’t have to be alone, but I just shut down. The lanky mechanic had lost all his appeal for me. I didn’t find anything interesting and felt that I deserved to be alone. Sometimes I’d lie awake at night and in the stillness of the midnight hours I could hear the sound of a bed creaking, in regular thumps and I’d know they were having sex. I knew my step dad was getting his release and I wasn’t the one allowed to provide it. 

There had been other stretches of time when he hadn’t touched me or done anything but this time was different. Every time I walked by him and he didn’t look up at me, I imagined a bruise appearing on my skin. Every opportunity that he would have taken before all this - to squeeze my tits for half a second or smack my ass lightly or push me into the wall by pressing on my crotch to walk by me in our narrow hallway - and now didn’t, I felt that bruise deepening in my mind. 

Things between my mom and me were cold and hostile but I didn’t really care about it. They always were and this time didn’t feel particularly different to me. But we never spent any time together as a family. Few weeks passed like this before we had some guests - friends of my step father - come stay with us for a long weekend. One day they were all hitting up another friend of theirs in town, who had a pool in the backyard. My mother didn’t go and I was overjoyed to see my step dad come pick me up at my diner after my shift was over. Once in the water, I felt life return to my body because my step dad acted like he couldn’t get enough of me. I was wearing a flimsy, blue cotton two piece swimsuit, the top of which barely covered my C cups. But it proved to be too much fabric for my step dad and right there in the pool with his two thumbs he found my nipples by pushing the cloth away to both sides and letting my straps fall off my shoulder. I looked at him dumbstruck, as he played with my breasts - pressing on my nipples, pulling, pinching and twisting them. His mouth found my neck and he started sucking on my skin - licking and biting. He pushed closer into me, letting me feel his hard-on against my thigh. I managed to whisper, “Everyone can see” and he replied, “they don’t care” and then he kissed me on my lips. We made out there in the pool, losing all track of time, while he kept playing with my boobs. If you’re wondering how his friends reacted, I can’t tell you. They may have been creeps or they couldn’t have cared less, but I didn’t pay any attention to them. 

Once out of the pool, we all grabbed beers and found seats on the lounging chairs. He beckoned me over and had me sit on his lap. While they all made conversation and laughed, he started touching me between my legs, massaging my crotch with his fingers. His mouth found my bare back and he planted small kisses. I let it happen for a few seconds before moving his hand away and saying, “not here.” That made him chuckle and he said, “You hear that folks? She wants her privacy with her old man.” They all laughed while my face burned in embarrassment. But even in that moment, I found pleasure and satisfaction. I loved knowing how much he desired me and that he wasn’t afraid to show me off. I loved knowing that the taboo nature of our relationship didn’t bother him (apart from when he was with my mother) and without consciously deciding to, I started fanning a flicker of hope for our future in my heart. 

At home, I slept on the couch in the living room since I had offered up my bedroom to the guests. A while after I had fallen asleep I felt someone making room on the couch by pushing me inwards and sliding in behind me. It was my step dad. I turned towards him and we started making out. I pulled on his lower lip and upper lip, sucking on them with my lips and tongue, giving each of his lips extra attention. We kept sucking on each other’s mouths in soft little motions, in perfect synchrony. He whispered, “Oh fuck, you’re such a good kisser.” which was one of the only compliments he’d ever given me. His hands were all over me - poking and pinching my breasts and nipples, rubbing my stomach, shoulders and back and the space between my legs. He reached inside my pajama pants and rubbed my moistening pussy, just the way I liked - using three fingers to rub me from my pussy to my clit, while his mouth devoured mine. Soon, he took his cock out of his pants and slipped it into my pussy, letting out a long, low groan, “Fuck, I’ve missed your tight little pussy” he said as he bit my lower lip. And we fucked like that, turned towards each other on our sides. He wrapped my leg around his hips as he began thrusting into me deeper and faster, holding it in there for a few seconds after every few pumps. I whispered into his ear, “Please come inside me. I want you to fill me up.” as I held on to him harder and closer than ever before, lifting my leg even higher so he could get deeper inside me. 

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

He fucked me like that for a good while and it become one of my favorite positions to fuck in. I felt held, protected and wanted. He played with my left tit and pinched and twisted my nipple raw. In between making out with me and biting my neck, he lowered his mouth to my breast and took the nipple in his mouth, sucking on it hard with his lips and swirling his tongue around. I felt myself come as waves of pleasure swept over me and intensified because he kept thrusting into me with increasing vigor. We fucked as quietly as possible except for the squelching of our wetness against each other. Then finally he came and bit into my neck to prevent himself from groaning any louder. I felt his cock twitch inside me as my pussy milked him and filled up with his load.