Wow, I've been getting such encouraging comments and messages that I’ve decided to keep writing. A lot of you wanted to know if it helps me to write - and it really does. It feels like I am reclaiming my sexuality. I obviously have a lot of shame surrounding my sex life but I’m starting to accept that there is nothing wrong with the sex I enjoy, and how much of it. Past or present. 

1. He let me dry hump him till I came
2. He used me to let out his frustrations
3. He fucked me so tenderly after using me

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That night while my mom was out, we didn’t just have sex. We also spent a lot of time talking, napping and yes, also cuddling. My step father could be really affectionate with me and this was one of those rare times. It t gave me the courage to be open with him and I asked him what I was to him. He talked to me openly and acknowledged the taboo nature of what we were doing as well as how wrong it was. There was something about his candor though that I found disturbing. He said, “Honestly Sarah, a part of me doesn’t have a whole lot of respect for you. I am married to your mother after all and yet you want me like a desperate whore. Don’t get me wrong, I know I made myself available to you and I wouldn’t change anything about our sex life. If anything, I never realized I’d want to fuck you as much as I do. But you’re not the woman I thought I was going to help raise that first night in your room. I’m saying you’re a horny slut and I love you for it. But don’t expect more from me.”

Once again my step father had found a way to admonish me, to shame me but in a way that just ended up arousing me even more. Being slightly demeaned by him turned me on and I rubbed myself against him helplessly as he held me to his side with his arm around me. He consoled my desperation by rubbing my arm. I had wanted to ask him if he would leave my mom if I stopped fucking him but I was afraid that I already knew the answer. All I could end up saying to him was, “I know daddy, I’m ruined. But so be it. I’m so happy whenever I get to be of some use to you. If that’s all I’m good for, then I’ll work extra hard to be even better at it.”

This peaked his curiosity and he lifted his head to look at me. It was a gross look, like he didn’t see me as the helpless young daughter that I felt around him but just an object to be devoured to his heart’s content. “Do you mean that?” he asked.

“Yes, daddy of course I do. I want you to fuck me whenever and however you want. You don’t even need to ask me.”

“You know what that means right? You’d be my freeuse.” I stared at him with wide eyes in confusion. But he explained it to me and we picked a safe word, which I never ended up using. 

Now let me give you some context about my life at that time separate from fucking my step dad. If you couldn’t guess already, I was a slut. And not just for my step dad. I was sexual even before I met him and was well aware of the attention I attracted from men. There was a guy I’d been texting with and I wanted to have some fun with men around my age. My love for older men might have started early, but my desire for and to be desired by a wide range of men was much more intense. There were itches younger men scratched that my step dad couldn’t. As I’d mentioned earlier, my step dad was not a good looking man by any standard. This guy, in his early 20s that I had my eyes set on was 6ft tall, lanky but you could tell he was fit but not in a gym obsessed way and worked as a car mechanic which I found super hot. He had longish black hair and green eyes. In short, I was crushing on him hard and had recently started fooling around with him (there were plenty of days that my step dad didn’t even so much as look in my direction or touch me). On this particular day my mom and step dad were both home when I walked out of my room wearing the shortest skirt I owned. I knew that when I moved you could basically see my bright red panties. My mom obviously didn’t like it and told me to get changed. I was a brat and I knew it but honestly had no business being one because by that point I was almost 20 and had no prospects of making it on my own without my parents’ help. “Fuck off” I spat at her. 

She grabbed me by the arm when I tried to move past her and said, “I’ll take none of that attitude while you live under my roof. Now go get changed. You look like a whore.”

“Your roof?” I asked, shocked. “When have you ever owned anything? It’s his and trust me I’ve been paying rent.” I said pointing at my step dad. I didn’t know what came over me and I started shaking but stalked off to my room slamming the door shut. I didn’t know what my mom thought I was implying.

Behind me I could hear my step dad yelling, “I’ll teach that skanky bitch a lesson.”

He came into my room and grabbed me as I tried pushing away from him. He started kissing me aggressively, using tongue and groping my boobs hard. “Is this your way of teaching me a lesson daddy?” I asked him.

“Shut the fuck up. Your mom is right” he said. “You think you can prance around looking like a whore in my house? I know that’s what you really are but you don’t need to show it to the world. I saw you, you know, the other night in the car…”

I lose my train of thought as he starts rubbing me roughly from over my panties. It’s not his touch that does it but the way he just goes for my clit, like he owns me. I feel my eyes roll in pleasure and I all but collapse in his strong grip. “Answer me, slut. What, I’m not good enough for you?” I obviously can’t make any response as he roughly pushes two fingers into my pussy and starts sliding them in and out. It doesn’t hurt as much as I’d thought because I'm already wet at that point. He has one of his arms tightly wrapped around my chest and with that hand he starts painfully squeezing my breast. He slides his hand inside my low-necked top and finds my nipple, pinching it hard. I scream in pain without realizing it. “Ow daddy that hurts!” I yell. 

“Oh yeah, does it?” He asks while he makes no change in his actions. “Do you remember our conversation from the other day, baby girl? Our safe word. Do you want to use it?”

I don’t have to think before swiftly saying no. He says, “Good. That’s one right thing you’ve done all week. Now get on your bed.” He slams me face down into my bed, pushing me by the neck. He pins me there by wrapping his hand around my neck so hard I can’t move. He has only one free hand so I’m guessing that’s why he can’t pull my panties down properly and rips them off me instead. And then, I feel him slide his dick into my pussy roughly with one swift thrust, making me moan as he grunts. He says things like, “You were just asking for it in that skirt weren’t you? You attention whore. Daddy doesn’t touch you enough so you try to make me jealous? You just wanted this old, married cock didn’t you? Young men don’t do it for sluts like you, I know it.” He says all this while pumping into me like I’m a filthy cum rag. He’s put all the pressure of his weight on my back, with his knees bent, straddling my hips, hand firmly wrapped around my neck. I wouldn’t have been able to move if I wanted to. 

I managed to squeak out, “Daddy what are you doing? Mom can hear us.” 

“Good, I’ve just had it with you lot. She’s just going to have to deal with it won’t she? She told me to teach you a listen so I am. If she didn’t want me to fuck you, she should have raised you better.” 

He picks up the pace of his thrusting then, as if burning anew with his hatred and anger towards the women living in his house and sucking him dry. My face burns with shame as well as pride for being able to bring him his release, to be able to pay for the security and safety he ensured for me. He starts coming then and announces it to me, “Oh, I’m coming, ohh I’m about to fill your slutty pussy up to the brim with all my cum, oh yes my very own cum sleeve, fuck yes, fuck you, fuck you you filthy whore.” He cums long and hard thrusting into me for what feels like ages. Finally, he’s all spent and lies down half on top of me for a few minutes, gathering himself while his breathing returns to normal. I turn around and see my torn up panties laying on the ground and my step father’s trousers and boxers still hanging on him around his legs. He couldn’t even manage to take them off fully.  

He gets up and zips himself up, leaving my room. I sit there sore but satisfied. But then again, scared of the conversation he’s going to have with my mom. There’s a good chance that I’ll get thrown out. I can just hope that my pussy is good enough for my step father to save me.