This only recently happened and one of the first instances where I am posting quickly after something happened. This will just be a small and quick update.

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Since I've last posted we've pretty much carried on as I've already posted about. I'm not going to repeat myself over and over. He's kissed me, I've kissed him. The other day he kissed me, lifted me up, and pressed me against the wall and I felt my heart skipping beats. My heart was pounding and I had my arms and legs clinging on him. It is in moments like that I really realize how big of a man my son is. I will always see him as my little boy but he can so easily just lift me up and hold me with ease. Whenever he does something powerful like that it can take my breathe away. If he grabs and and pulls me into his arms I just feel at home.

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It is hard as we continue and get closer and closer and border on something more happening. I just can't quite shake the feeling that I am some kind of groomer. Removing incest from this, I would feel odd sleeping with someone half my age with very little sexual experience. Especially in my son's case where he is on the demi/ace spectrum and only feels sexually driven with women he knows well. I'm his first crush. He told me for a while I was the only person he had any real feelings for so it is a lot of responsibility.

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We've been pretty handsy and kissy. One time he was on a bed sitting on the side. I was standing and he was holding me and kissing my stomach and thighs and feeling me up. He was putting his fingers under the edge of my panties and I could feel his palms shaking. He had his forehead against my mound and his nose/mouth was close to my vagina. He just felt it through the fabric and sniffed and inhaled the musk of my excitement in. It was very just breathtaking to experience.

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Very recently, as in like less than thirty minutes ago. He asked if he could see my vagina. Well he put it, "I want to see your pussy." It excites him and scares him and he's been apprehensive about looking at me there. He is excited to "see the place he came from" and him wording it that way sent good shivers down my spine. He has felt it, fingered it, and stuck the tip of his penis inside of it but he's not taken a look. While we are kissing he'll feel around and feel me up. I've still not touched his penis with my hand because when we start going in that direction he gets overwhelmed. I've learned that it isn't a good idea with him to try too many new things at once. For example if we are kissing and I slide my hand near his penis, he'll tense up. The day I do touch him there it needs to be the event. Not just something on a whim. But he feels comfortable touching me. So I went to his room and asked him if he was sure. We talked about it for a bit. I asked him what his plans are upon seeing it because I want to be sure of where we are as well. I didn't want to get naked and try something that he wasn't ready for.

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He told me that he just wanted to see it and I said okay. I kept my top on but removed my bottoms and just stood in front of him. He was breathing very heavy. He stood up and I laid on his bed and opened my legs and he was just really nervous about the whole ordeal. He could hardly look between my legs even if he was excited about it. I asked him to come closer and I said "It's okay. You're okay" and this really helped him. He put his arms around me and hugged me. We didn't kiss or anything in that moment it was just a very emotional motherly hug I gave him. I kept telling him nice things about how proud I am of him. I sat on his bed with my legs open for no more than a few minutes after that.

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Please just accept that I post when I want and what I want. I will not apologize for this not advancing as fast as you'd like or if I am not consistent. This is not an episode of something. This is just my life and you should feel lucky that I share what I do.