Forgive me about any language mistakes, english is not my native language.

Hi, trying to get some advice and support. I'm an 18 year old incel, I have been an incel since 14 and the last 4 years have been tough. I have acquired and consumed a lot of info about male attractiveness and because of that I'm now insecure and paranoid.

Some days I can't help but keep checking myself in mirrors, some other days I will not look at any mirror or else I cry. I am deeply self conscious about my height too. Usually my hair, eyes, cheekbones, jawline, nose and side profile also discust me.

I can't stand seeing another man being an object of sexual attraction, I get jealous because I'll never have that. I'm not tall and I'm not hot. I just don't know how to accept it. If attractiveness is subjective how come nobody has ever found me good looking? Shouldn't there be some girl out there? I have never received a compliment in my entire life, never.

I'm also addicted to looking at "suifuel", also can't help it. Makes me sad but makes me feel like I was right the whole time. So I find myself usually looking at how women react to seeing men who are way taller and way better looking than me (I'm usually browsing /tall /ladyboners) and it makes me sad that I will never cause those types of reactions. I'm self conscious and jealous. I can't change my facial structure.

What should I do? I feel like I will never be confident because I receive no external validation and because I was born in a undesirable body with an unattractive face. I hate not meeting the standards. I just want to make a girl happy, I just want to be attractive, can't handle these thoughts. I hate that, for a woman to like me, she has to lower her standards, I just want to be desired and object of lust. Tired of being anxious when I leave my house. What do I do?