I've been ruminating over my deepest desires and cravings during these festive days but they always seem to boil down to the same few basic things: getting married and becoming a father. Having a wife and being a husband. Transforming into a family man, at once and forever. That's all I want, honestly. These things are the perfect Christmas presents to me: they would bring me the most intense satisfaction and make my life feel complete, as well as making me feel loved to the core.

I'm imagining how our whole family would be together during the holiday season. Exchanging gifts, enjoying each other's presence, just being happy together. Our adorable little ones would get to experience just how intensely Mommy and Daddy love them. My precious darling would get to experience just how madly I'm in love with her. I'd do my best to make sure that all of them are fully satisfied over these joyful days, never without smiles on their faces.

That's why once our children are sound asleep after a long day of fun for the whole family, me and my wife would snuggle together into our bed for our not-so-surprising present-giving session. We'd unwrap our bodies, ready to reward each other's needy spirit and ignite the real spark of the feast. Entangled in each other's physical presence, we'd celebrate enthusiastically and intensely all night long, revelling in the intimacy of this sacred holiday. In the end, my body would deliver my warm gift of pure liquid love into her warm, fertile, needy hearth. She'd accept it eagerly, trembling excitedly in anticipation. The little bundle of joy which she'd be giving back to me in return would unfortunately be nine months late. However, that would be a present which both of us would be in supreme awe of. A gift not simply from her to me but also a physical emanation of our undying love for each other. The only present that would truly make us happy to the core, ever. A gift which we'd never get tired of giving to each other.

Or maybe we could time our present-giving so that our little angel would arrive just in time for the holiday, bringing an endless stream of joy to our whole family? We never know for sure when exactly these wonderful things would happen. All we're certain about is that the number of happy voices echoing through our house and the number of little stars illuminating our home will be greater and greater with each successive Christmas.

These desires are so strong that I can barely think about anything else. Just hearing or thinking about the words "kids", "children", "wife", "husband", "mother", "father", "family" or "marriage" makes my heart pound intensely and longingly. These words tend to poke it in a way that makes me feel sorrow that I'm not blessed with any of these amazing things yet. Nowadays, I cannot even imagine having sex without the thought of fully committing myself to my partner and conceiving a child with her. Such is my desire to become a husband and father - it has become everything for me.

I need all of this right here and now: my heart doesn't want to wait anymore, not even for a single moment. I need to sense my partner's deep affection and desire, her touch and kiss so badly; me gladly giving these things back to her in gratitude. I want to make her mine - my beloved wife and the mother of our adorable children. I need to feel us both hopelessly falling in love for each other, developing an unbreakable emotional and physical bond. I want to make sure that she loves me intensely and wants to be together with me forever. I'd love her back with all of my heart and I won't imagine any other future for myself besides becoming her loving husband and the father of our beloved kids. I need us to become one in all senses of the word - physically, mentally, sexually, spiritually. I want us to entangle our mutual feelings so deeply until we're eventually unable to live without each other.

I feel like my current life without a loving family to nurture and provide for is unfulfilling and pointless. There is a void in my heart which urgently needs to be filled with the warmth of my partner and children being there for me during these joyful, festive times.