F36 plus size in IF seeking dominant male 26

The brief version: I have really limited experience with men. I'm looking to maybe fix that. I don't know what I'll be comfortable with. Mostly I want to talk, see if I feel comfortable, and maybe touch someone's dick.

The not so brief version: I have a complicated history of trauma. I like men in theory. In fiction, fantasy, etc. But I've only had 1 positive experience with a man in my life and it was brief. That was towards the end of last year. I thought I found what I was looking for and was left dealing when his life got complicated and he didn't want to talk anymore. Honestly couldn't tell you if it was him, or me.

I have a long term partner. I'm not looking for dating. I'm looking to just... Try. I want someone who is going to be understanding if I'm shy or anxious, and not force me into anything, but I also need a little bit of a guiding hand because I don't really know what to do. I'm hoping to find someone dominant and confident, without being a jerk.

I would like to start with something really simple. Just sitting and talking to see if it feels comfortable, and then move on to just non sexual touching. Hugging, running. Maybe have you take your clothes off in layers so I can see you, and touch as I'm comfortable.

In theory I want to actually touch cock. It's been on my mind for more than a year now and I just can't seem to get away from the idea. But it feels like everything is going to have to fall into place perfectly.

I want someone I find attractive, and being more dominant and confident is a must.

I'm not able to host because my partner doesn't want boys at the house. So we would have to figure something out.

This seems like a long shot, but I want to try. I'm happy to explain more, or talk about what might work for both of us.