Been reading the news about Verne Troyer and Avicii and I entered a state I haven't been in for about 3 years.

Whenever I truly dig into the concept of mortality. When I can realise that consciousness is temporary and all things that are temporary will one day stop I feel a wave of dread and hopelessness that consumes me entirely. Just now I had to get up and jump/scream to pacify the thoughts as my heartbeat thumped out my chest. It's a horrible thing that's probably happened to me about 50 times and I nearly always start crying (starting from around 10 years ago in my early teens).

I think this panicked state is compounded when my life lacks direction/purpose but that's just a theory. It would make sense as in the past week or two my first ever job has gotten frustrating and I don't want to work there anymore but I need the money.

I kind of wanted to vent because life just feels so cruel but I also wanted to hear the perspective of an INTP who might have gotten over such a thing?

P.S I don't want to trigger another panic attack so please don't theorise on the impermanence of life and what happens after death.