It seems like I have a spontaneous self and a secure self, and the spontaneous self loses a lot. Maybe this is just normal for all humans, but The idea of leaving to go into the unknown has been killing me lately. I've never seen anything about this, so I thought I'd ask you guys. For example, I almost left for Colorado to go hiking by myself. I convinced my friends to just leave and drive 4 hours away in the middle of the night just to come back the next day. Its like I've been getting off on doing what everyone thinks is mad. I've felt it before multiple times, but I can push it down. It seems to be the only thing that makes me excited in a normal sense of the word, except maybe a girl but that's besides the point. Sorry for rambling.