I’m physically and emotionally fucked. My legs have been carrying around a corpse for about 29 years now. I can’t tell what my emotions are and according to my therapist, all of my friendships are superficial. I haven’t loved or even liked myself since I was 16. I just feel dead inside. I haven’t had a relationship at all in my life. I’m stuck between wanting to destroy this world and wanting to destroy myself. My parents were neglectful and my father abused me. I’ve been to two mental hospitals for attempted suicide. I feel like I’m stuck in an endless wall of smoke with no way out, no matter how far I walk. I don’t have a college education or a good paying job. Everyday I fall a little bit deeper into this void called despair. Most nights I have to do copious amount of weed just to laugh or feel anything. It also helps with not painting the walls in my room like Pablo Picasso with my brain. My self confidence is at an all time low because my brain tells me that I’m a 2/10 every time I look at the mirror. Even with friends and family constantly around me, I feel truly alone and it’s starting to cripple me.