As Mr. Arnold from Jurassic Park (aka. Samuel L. Jackson) would say "Hold on to your butts"
This is a wild one, and it happened about a week ago.

So, little backstory. I used to work at Wonka-Mart way back in 2015. I was the Entertainment manager and had to visit the Cx desk for returns almost daily. It sucked.....

Onward to the story!
Cast: Me = well Me
Grandmother = GM
Entitled B =EB
Clueless Manager =CM
Store Manager SM

Ready? Set? GO!

So, my GM is elderly (78yrd and she could kick my butt!) and gets flustered easily, so I offered to help assist her to her monthly Wonka-Mart here in town to get basics (TP, paper towels, some specialty foods that reminder her growing up in Okinawa (important later). etc.

We are walking down the ethnic food isle me recommending a Japanese curry and sides for it, put in the buggy when low and behold, I hear a very, very loud "AHEM" behind me, I ignore it for a bit, checking my phone for the grocery list.
It's at this point, i feel the deep clawing in my arthritic should that EB has embedded her nails putting so much pressure i almost collapsed from the pain.

EB: "Oh your faking it. Get up like a good boy and help me. I saw you helping that old woman so you obviously work here."

Me: "Um,.. Mam..." she cut me off

EB: "Don't even use the excuse you don't work here, I SAW YOU HELPING THAT OLD B*****"
Me: *deep sign* " Mam, WHAT AM I WEARING?! Does look like a Wonka Uniform? Or are you confused that I'm wearing a security badge for MY OWN COMPANY!? How daft are you?"

EB: " I am SO going to get you fired! you ungrateful --insert multiple racial slurs about Asians and Hispanics here- *i'm tri racial btw*, she begins to scream out loud like I assaulted her.

CM: "What's going on here? Is everything okay?!"

EB: " No! This *insert more racial slurs here* attacked me for no reason! I want him arrested now! I'm calling the police!!! *she sneered at me like she had won*"

CM: "Do you have anything to say elsewise?"

Me: "I'm going to let the camera's show their side. That's enough evidence for me"

About this time I was being directed to the security office in cuffs. I kept my mouth shut. however..

GM: "Could someone please explain WHY TF my GRANDSON who's HELPING ME SHOP is suddenly behind locked doors!?!!!" (trust me, there was a lot of profanity used )

SM: " Do you understand the consequences before you?"
Me: "For what, helping my GM shop and trying to tell EK that I don't work here?:
SM: "Well, she says you assaulted here, anything to say about that?"
Me: "I'm sorry, are you that daft? Am i wearing a vest with a logo on the back? Do I have a telzon palm in my hand? WHAT on earth makes you think I work here? I left in 2015 after I setup every IT component in the entire store. don't believe me call this number!*

About a half hour later the Police arrived. I smiled and said "Hey John, Busy nightc? don't uncuff me just yet"
EB *Picachu confused face*
SM: " I am so sorry OP, your director said you did this store in record time. He's still perplexed how you didn't overload the server"

Another half hour * my wrists were hurting since I put too much pressure, the guy did an amazing job to double lock them*

The Sgt (my friend) helped me get on my feet. EB with her so smug face looked so proud.

SM: "Well, after the evidence was reviewed and multiple calls to certify OP was and is innocent, Sgt. could you please take the cuffs off?'
SGT: "I already know where they're going next"

EB: "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I WILL SUE EVERYONE OF contestf YOU! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!!!"
SGT: " Mam, you called him multiple racial slurs and had no remorse. I really hope you have a good attorney, because those cameras capture audio"

Never heard from her again. I declined a coupon and said "I want you to give that coupon to a mother trying to get eggs and maybe milk to her children. The simplest acts of kindness spread ripples."

Next step, is convince the SM (college buddy) to let me handcuff him and allow a soft pie throwing contest to raise funds for charity.