Medical issues can be hard for any relationship. They can cost lots of money, cause stress, and act as random chaos. Telling someone you have issues can really help you find someone that cares about you. When my wife and I started dating I had been diagnosed for about a year. She's been with me for all of it. I felt devastated when I had a seizure at Disney World, but my wife simply told me "I already told you 'In sickness and in health.'" Disabilities can make any relationship a tricky but more secure.

Parenting is hard. My wife has to do all the driving for them, so I do more at home. We've gone over what it looks like when I have a seizure since they were about 2 years old. In some ways it is a positive, they know that some people have medical issues yet they can still be real people.

Find some close friends or professors you can trust. Some people need to know you have epilepsy, otherwise if you have a partial seizure they're going to think you're on drugs. (Been there).

Be sure you have a nearby pharmacy or get medication mailed in. Look at how far it is to the nearest hospital.

Also, look into some form of stress release such as meditation or exercise. Stress can be a trigger for many people, and college is great at building stress.

It can be a challenge, but completing a challenge can make you feel great.

Ha. I've been on both sides of that.

When in doubt, in any relationship, communicate.

This is what I've heard from some places such as the CDC.

Call ambulance if:

• It is their first seizure
• They are injured by the seizure
• The seizure lasts more than 5 minutes
• A second seizure starts

Otherwise don't. We've only ever called 911 for my first Tonic-Clonic seizure and year later me bashing my hear during one. You were doing fine.

Oh, that's a scary question. I know there is a word for when you specifically can't remember words, but I still don't recall it. My wife occasionally tests me on it. There have been times when I forget or overlook something, but my family knows they might have to remind me several times.

The worst was several years ago when we went on vacation 500 miles away. I had forgotten how long our trip was and didn't have enough medication. I noticed a day or two before we were out, but we had to have someone get it at home and mail it overnight. Hey, from failure you learn. Now I count the days of our trips several times and always add meds for an additional day or two.

I was walking in the hall at school and next thing I knew I was farther down the hall, and someone was asking "Are you OK?" They said I looked mentally gone. Fortunately, the school nurse knew about partial seizures and suspected epilepsy. I had a few more in the next month or so, so we were pretty sure of what it was.

From my perspective the seizures I had were either extreme deja vu (simple partial seizure) or suddenly blacking out for about 2 minutes (complex partial seizure). I may have been diagnosed for about 5 years before having a tonic-clonic seizure.

About 2/3 of epileptics have no known causes. I'm one of them. However, we have found some things that seem to trigger my seizures.

I have had some while watching a spooky movie on TV with all the lights turned off, at a hockey game, and at a Broadway show. All three were looking at a bright spot surrounded by darkness. I have also had some while outside in the evening as it starts getting dark.

Nothing to do with flashing lights. In reality maybe 5% of epileptics have that trigger.

I educate them. I always tell some people at work, friends, and because I can't drive I rarely go places by myself. There are emergency bracelets some people wear, or you can put emergency info in some cellphones. It is tricky though. I always want to better educate people about epilepsy.

I have taken 12 different medications over the years. I've had them affect things like mood, vision, and libido. Right now I'm on Lyrica, Vimpat, and Fycompa. (Fycompa is expensive but works great on me).

I will admit I still drink, but not that much. Maybe one or two a week. I've never been able to verify that alcohol affected my seizures or anything so I don't ignore it.

Yep, had both. I believe Lamictal went well for several years, but when the seizures started up again we switched. Your body can get used to meds,

Less stress is definitely an important thing. Just be careful and look at some different relaxation if you need too.

Yes, sometimes people will have an aura. The best was I can describe mine is that it feels odd like deja vu. I sometime have that feeling for a minute or two (a simple partial seizure) but I'm just not fully there mentally. My family tests me by asking question like "What year is it" or "what's my name." I will not be able to answer them correctly.

Sometimes I'll feel it for about half a second before I go into a complex partial seizure (the ones where I black out.) I have once or twice been able to say "I think I'm going to have a seizure" before going out.

The best I can do for myself is sit down and/or tell someone. Letting people know is important. I've had partial seizure at school, at work, on the field in marching band, in a job interview, with people having no clue what was happening. More people should know that there are seizures that aren't like the ones you see on TV,

Fortunately, I was never picked on or insulted for my epilepsy, but I can't see what happens behind my back. There are cases of people faking seizures, which I see as an insult. There was recently a case of someone being arrested for being mentally out of it post seizure. I've been lucky enough to not have people pick on me for my epilepsy, but I really wish it was better understood.

Ugh. Sometimes knowing that it's coming but not being able to do anything about it is a nightmare to me.

If nobody knows if a person has epilepsy, yes call for an ambulance. A single seizure can be caused by several different things. Also:

• Do NOT hold them down. Just don't. Not worth it.
• Do NOT put things in their mouths. Yes, they could bite their tongue, but they can heal.
• Clear the area around them.
• Cushion their head.
• Time the seizures. The length of a seizure and the time of their recovery can be important.

The hardest part is that there isn't anything you can do to stop a seizure like that.

I still remember someone saying that acupuncture could "cure" me. Epilepsy is not a disease or an injury. There is no cure!

However, stress is something to work on. Stress can help trigger seizure for most people, so finding a relaxation method can help us all. My mind doesn't like any kind of meditation, but I take my dog on a walk every day to help settle.

There are always some doctors like that. See if you can find a neurologist that specify in epilepsy, not something like Alzheimer's.

We looked at a few meds last time we switched, and Briviact was the more expensive one. It's still on the list of possibilities.

Yes, I am.

I drove for about a year, and then had 4 seizures in one day. Could that happen again? While I'm driving my kids on the highway?

We've survived for a decade without me driving and we have a kid taking lessons now. I work from home, we have things like Uber, you can have many things delivered. I don't see me needing to get a license, and I don't trust my brain enough to risk it.

No. I've been told they're OK for kids.

I have been a full-time employee, but getting to work is hard. Several years ago we moved to a place with a better bus system so I didn't have to rely on carpool. Fortunately, Covid changed my department into permanent work from home. My boss is wonderful and said if they ever move us back, she will push to have me stay at home due to my disability. (Epilepsy is recognized as a disability).

Finding a job can be tricky sometimes. Someone with epilepsy cannot be in some careers like a pilot, astronaut, or (usually) in the US military. In most states you cannot drive if you've had a seizure in the last 6 months so there go more jobs. While it's not legal, there have certainly been cases where someone is fired due to having a seizure at work. Some people with epilepsy can live a somewhat normal life, some cannot.

I've never had extreme emotions after seizures, at least nothing more than "Crap, sorry about that!"

Even since my surgery I have had more emotions though. I think they bumped part of my brain to restart my limbic system (is that the part handling emotions?) or something.

Adulting. Always needing someone else to give you a ride can drag you down. I had a license once and drove for about a year. Now I have a kid starting driver's ed. That's going to be . . . Hmm. I'm not sure exactly how I'll feel.

The biggest barrier was with my surgery. I was finally able to have a way to fix my epilepsy! It was something I had always hoped for, and it would be a scary but awesome day. (My wife says that was the worst day of her life, me in surgery for 8 hours while doctors messed with my brain). I recovered fairly well, but I was still having plenty of seizures. Fewer than I had before, but not as many as I was statistically supposed to.

I was frustrated, angry, still trying to recover, and mentally confused with my "new" brain that was giving me emotions I hadn't had in decades. It was exhausting in many ways. I saw the surgery as a failure. I had tried the biggest thing I could and had little success. My stress, plus the stress from my family trying to help me recover, plus regular life stress created a dark spiral.

However, I started counseling, journaling, and talking openly with my family. My more outgoing brain would share thoughts instead of hiding them. It took a couple years, but I have accepted the fact that my surgery didn't go as well as we hoped. I have decided to instead look ahead. (Keep moving forward!) My surgery's "failure" was a massive barrier to me, but one that I feel I have broken through.

Nope. Keto is recommended for kids, and my doctor is part of a place that is trying to avoid marijuana. Plus insurance won't cover marijuana.

I'm good with what I have right now (1 year seizure free!!!!) so I am not looking to change my meds. But who knows. Maybe I'll try it in the future.

I had a week in the EEG, and a few months later a week of an internal EEG. For the surgery I was asleep for all but the time they wanted me to name what they were showing me while they poked my brain looking for the bit related to my speech.

I woke up to sever pain. I didn't say anything besides "It hurts, it hurts." Continually. They put me back to sleep and I woke up a couple times that night with the same pain. My wife says that was the worst day of her life.

In the morning the pain was gone and I was fine. Brains can be weird. I had six weeks medical leave, but it took longer for focusing thought, remembering some routine, and settling. I hope you had lots of seizures there!

"Grand Mal" is French for "Great Evil."

"Tonic-Clonic" refers to two different phases that often happen in that kind of seizure.

Epilepsy is definitely something that most people don't understand. How do you describe your seizures? Do others fully get it? Do most people get what it feels like? Nope.

However, there are plenty of conditions, disabilities, and more where most people will never fully understand. My experience here is why I try to understand the issues other people have too.

Nope. If my condition goes down I may look into it, but I'm doing well right now and don't want to mess with it.

IIRC my insurance doesn't want to cover it. Grrr . . .

Hmmm . . . I can see people being concerned or ashamed of having a seizure. I don’t do it that way though, I accept it.

First and foremost, support her. Mental health is a big thing here where stress can cause seizures and seizures can cause stress. Suggest she looks at a therapy, I am glad I've been doing that. Things like just listening or offering to drive can help.

I've been on about a dozen different meds including Vimpat, Fycompa, Lyrica, Depakote, Oxtellar, Lamictal, and more. Side effects can be crazy.

One I took is also used for bipolar disorder and my wife says I never got excited on it. I had one that would randomly make me nauseous. I've taken two that would give me some double vision for about half an hour. Memory and fatigue are known to happen, but I can't tell if they're from my meds. More fun, several epilepsy meds are known to lower testosterone levels. (Why can't any of them have positive side effects?!)

My seizures have varied so much over the years with not much change besides the medications. After my surgery I worked more on mental health and self-care, which I hadn't done before. It's going fairly well for me there!

So forgive my curiosity, but believe me when I say I am totally on your side.

No forgiveness needed. It's a goal of mine to answer questions about epilepsy.

I’ve seen it called different things by different organizations and doctors, but “neurological disorder” is a common one.

Nope. If my condition goes down I may look into it, but I'm doing well right now and don't want to mess with it.

Never tried it, heard that it's more for kids. I'm a bit too old for that.

I am so sorry, I can't imagine what that was like for you.

From the ones like that which I have had and heard from other epileptics, we are basically not aware of it. From my perspective it's going unconscious or blacking out. Even with the simple partial seizures that I was awake for I had weird thoughts, never realizing I was having a seizure.

I have learned that memory loss can help sometimes, imagine watching the same mystery movie without remembering who did it!

It's fine . . .

I don't know if it was the surgery or just my meds, but my taste buds are not the best. Flavor and smell don't work well for me.

Brains can be odd things. Glad it's worked for him!

Yep. I went 1.5 years seizure free and then had 4 in one day. That's why I'm nervous right now, at 1 year seizure free. That fear is why I am not planning on driving again. I think it might be the Fycompa that has helped me, but we are all different there.

Nope. Heard plenty about it though. Glad it works for some.

Pills. The cost of them. The security where I can't order a refill until a date where I only have 3 days of pills left and it will take them 3 days to get enough to refill the prescription. I hate insurance for making it so complicated, but I thank insurance for paying for my surgery. I've gotten used to taking pills though, they're a standard for me.

Not driving has been hard. We purposely moved once to find a better bus system. I think if I have to find another job, I will only look at work from home ones. Fortunately, our kids are old enough to learn to drive themselves so it won't be as big an issue.

Do not teach them that epilepsy is some super special incredibly unique thing that makes them so different and unlike anybody else in the world. They're like everyone else, except for having epilepsy which millions of other people have too. There are many others that understand what it's like and are right there with them. Look for epilepsy groups online and/or in your town. They're not alone.

Routine can help too. I have alarms on my phone for when to take meds, and days on my calendar to refill them. I take notes of things to talk to my doctor about.

And of course, support. Having seizures, paying for expensive meds, not being able to drive, and more can make people feel like a burden. Please, never get upset with them for having a seizure. Look into counseling. Ask how they're doing. Be with them on their battle.

I haven’t been able to conclude any food or drinks were triggers for me, but we all have our own.

Before surgery I was a stereotypical grumpy guy. I would complain about my wife and the kids tickling each other instead of getting in bed. I didn't want to show emotions, guys aren't supposed to! Me working on our yard for model trains was at least me being a bit of my own person, but I didn't want to be too different.

Post surgery?

My wife and I tickle the kids together. Or accidentally stay up late talking to them. I don't get grumpy as much at all.

My whole perspective on emotions has ruptured. I have cried more in the past 5 years than the 20 years before then. I bawled my eyes out at a funeral because of the song they played. I have felt sorrow from orchestral music. I've had happy tears from simple things like "Wow, we were able to see the eclipse!"

I had zero interest in model trains. None. However, plants are amazing! We have a dozen inside the house and more outside. I had been interested in taken care of any before the surgery, and now I will take any.

Brains, who really knows what all is in there?

I don't think I've ever been scared during a seizure. I'm either not really conscious, or kind of in a deja vu. I'm never thinking "Hey I'm in a seizure right now" but more "I know what's about to happen" or maybe " . . . "

It's always hard to predict how epilepsy will do over time. I hope she continues to do well.

I have had absences seizures before. Mine felt like deja vu. Will you be in for a long EEG?

My memory is not great, but could be worse. Apparently several epilepsy medications can have similar side effects.