For about 20 years now, my most common arousing fantasy is around my partner really enjoying being an exhibitionist and wants to be looked at, admired, touched and fucked, and openly telling me about it and participating at times. I have no desire to be humiliated or excluded.

I'm starting to feel like I might not be living fully given the energy I have for this fantasy.

I'm a single guy and considering seeking a woman as my next (last, hopefully) partner who would enjoy being a hotwife. Might you share your experience with this, especially regarding some specific concerns?

Some more context: I feel monogomish. I have a deep desire for a deep commitment with a nesting partner, what most people refer to as a spouse. (For ease, I'll just refer to her as my wife.) On my wild side, I'm probably 90% polyamorous, and only 10% swinger. I admire and on a few occasions have enjoyed kitchen table polyamory where there is clear, conscious and emotionally intelligent communications that care for each person who is affected. I'd love it if my wife were to enjoy being with my best friends and am also open to her having relationships with others.

One concern is "Am I seeking mostly the tease and yearning, or do I really want my partner fucking others?" This has subpart concerns: STIs and how much time and energy do I want either of us putting into seeking partners and other relationships?

Another concern is "What's the likelihood of finding a hotwife who also highly values a commited stable relationship, such as marriage?"

Another concern regards my desire to have a fair amount of control. I often fantasize that I'm a gatekeeper and my wife tells me what she wants to wear or cause to happen and asks my permission. At the same time, I generally want an equal partner. I want her to feel fully empowered and in choice. So I wonder, "Can this control/dominate aspect of my hotwife fantasy be part of a healthy equal partnership?"

And I have a broader question. Any older people enjoying hotwifing and finding it satisfying? I'm 65 years old now. I almost always fantasize about hot 30, 40 and 50 year old women. Are Darwinian genetics driving my arousal to fertile women that is likely to create dissatisfaction? I know that many older women also get aroused my younger men.

Here's another: I value having ease and acceptance in the community, and don't enjoy secrecy. "How will I feel having a secret side to all this?" I'm not sure that I want to driving to far away places. And in foreign countries, I've run into people I know, or more commonly, people who are close to people I know.

Thanks so much for your time. Hopefully this dialogue might help others as well.

Ciao!