My husband and I have been on this journey for about four months now. He came to me and expressed his interest in pursuing this lifestyle. He enjoys watching me get attention and being pleasured, and I love the attention I get. I also have a naturally flirty personality, which makes this all the more exciting. I really enjoy that he loves watching me and enjoys the thought of someone else pleasuring me. However, I did have a lot of questions and concerns. One of my biggest worries was how he would feel seeing another man have sex with his wife. It was hard for me to understand that he enjoys it when I flirt with other men and when other men want me. I'm the complete opposite—I don't like the idea of him wanting other women, so it’s been difficult for me to wrap my head around this. After many hours of discussion and reassurance, we decided to give it a try. After a lot of research on his part, we began the search for a third person. I started on Ashley Madison (which I now realize was a bad idea). We hadn’t really talked about the possibility of being with someone who was married. We're not looking for that unless the wife is on board. I did find a few single men to chat with, and we’ve exchanged pictures through Telegram. Unfortunately, meeting in person wasn’t an option because of the distance, so we just enjoy occasional sexting. I also enjoy the exhibitionist side of things, so I post on GoneWild. I love reading the comments, and my husband enjoys how they turn me on. I’ve found a few men to chat with, which has made things more interesting. I also created a profile on Feeld and have connected with several men who claim to be experienced in the lifestyle. However, when I asked about STI testing, they tended to flake out. I recently posted in the Hotwife Requests and on another Reddit page for couples looking for singles. I do have a type in mind—fit (though they don’t need to be ripped), taller, handsome, and hung. I know it sounds like I’m looking for a unicorn, but those are the qualities I’m drawn to. That said, these preferences aren’t set in stone; some things matter more than others. I probably sound shallow, but I have a wonderful husband who I love more than anything, and I’m just looking for someone who turns me on, nothing more. Once I find someone I’m attracted to, I also enjoy having a good conversation. So, I finally found someone I was attracted to, and things seemed to be going really well. After a few days of chatting, we decided to meet. I know it might have been a little rushed, but my excitement got the best of me. We agreed on a day, and we met in the lobby of a hotel with my husband. We exchanged pleasantries and got a bit more relaxed. My husband went up to the room and allowed us to go up alone. I had this fantasy of being ravished when we got to the room—pushed up against the wall, clothes ripped off, and some heavy foreplay. We thought this would be a good way to experience that. I was nervous, and I could tell he was too. I wanted to touch him in the elevator, but my nerves got the better of me. Once we arrived at the room, he kissed me outside the door before we went inside. I was overwhelmed with thoughts: Is this really happening? Am I about to have sex with someone other than my husband for the first time in 27 years? I tried to push those thoughts aside as we started kissing and undressing. It was hard for me not to worry about how my husband was feeling and what was going through his mind. I focused on being pleasured and looking at my husband while I had the other man’s dick in my mouth. It was sexy, but I struggled to relax because my mind was running a mile a minute. Overall, it was an amazing experience, but I wished I had been more vocal about what I wanted. He did ask me, but I didn’t know how to express what I needed. I know he was being careful to respect boundaries since it was our first experience, and that was great, but I still wanted more. When I replay the experience in my mind, I see so many things I’d change. I was also surprised by how I felt afterward. I thought I would feel guilty or like I had done something wrong, but instead, I felt good. It really opened my eyes to my sexuality and my relationship with my husband. Now that we’ve gotten the first experience under our belts, I’m ready for round two. So, I’m looking for advice on how to move forward. How do I get what I want and feel more comfortable doing it? I think sticking with the same guy could help me feel more comfortable and hopefully get what I need sexually. My husband thinks I should try someone new, but I’m not opposed to staying with the first guy—it's just that finding someone new and going through the process again seems overwhelming. I’m thinking of sticking with the first guy and seeing if, after getting over the nerves, I can get what I want. Meanwhile, I’ll keep looking for another man to fill this role if it doesn’t work out. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!