I was following another thread and this scenario came up. Wife is against it until she meets a guy who she finds attractive. It seems somehow cleaner to decide to go for it and then find someone.

In /r/polyamory and /r/enm they consider opening up for a specific person "cheating with extra steps."

Is it different with hotwifing?

I can bend my brain around it thinking "she said no, but didn't MEAN she wasn't up for it then she found a guy that turned her on enough to admit her 'no' meant 'maybe'."

I can also see a difference in that this is usually husband-initiated. He says it's more than ok for her to be sexual with others if it's a shared adventure. She says no way due to a variety of reasons, inhibitions, risk aversion, nobody interesting on the horizon, etc. Then she makes a connection where it suddenly makes all the sense in the world. "Well, actually, there is someone..."

I don't see a problem with that. Hubby's already on board, she's found a reason to get on board, too.

"You have a hall-pass."

"Lol, never going to use it." <time passes> "Honey, were you serious about the hall pass?"

That seems different than flirting with someone, wanting more and getting your SO to agree to open up so you can have fun with that other person.