I wrote this in response to a post asking about a husband experiencing complicated emotions leading up to a first hotwife experience. I tried to post it as a comment, but Reddit is giving me an error, so I'm trying it as a post instead:

As someone who was in your husband's position just a few years ago, I can say it's complicated. My wife and I talked about this for a long time before we decided to make it happen. Years, even. Our hotwife journey started when she was riding me reverse cowgirl one day, using her vibrator, and had an orgasm. I thought to myself, "I wish I could see her face. I bet she looks beautiful." Then I thought, "I guess I could if she were riding someone else." It was the first time I had really thought about that, but the thought stuck. I eventually brought it up to her, but she shot the idea down. I mentioned it a couple more times after that, and she made it clear she wasn't interested. Maybe a year later, the thought got stuck in my head again. I decided to mention it and, to my surprise, instead of immediately shooting me down she replied, "How would that even work?" This led to conversations and exploration. We listened to podcasts together, shared articles, went to a swinger convention just to meet people with the expectation of doing anything...

The reason I give you all that background is to set up the fact that you would think, after years of wanting it, exploration, and planning, that I would be completely onboard when it finally happened. But guess what, emotions can be tricky and unexpected. When my wife finally started chatting with a guy online who she decided she liked and set up a meeting, I found myself feeling things I didn't expect. I quickly cycled back and forth between jealousy, arousal, and confusion. Jealousy because, oh no, my wife was going to fuck someone else! Arousal because, hell yeah, my wife was going to fuck someone else! And confusion because, I'm the one who wanted this, I'm the one who asked for this, so why am I feeling these things? I'm not a scientist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I came to the personal conclusion that overcoming years of societal norms being pushed on you can be difficult, no matter how badly you want something. On top of that, I was raised Catholic, so yeah...

But, what I realized was that those problems and emotions were mine to deal with, not my wife's. I asked for something and she agreed to do it. The negative emotions weren't strong enough to cancel out my desire for it to happen, so I decided it was worth working through my emotional turmoil. I wish I could say I handled that well and there was no conflict between my wife and I as I worked through my shit, but I'd be lying. We had our first experience, and overall it was amazing. The guy was nice and polite, my wife had fun, I got some amazing video... But even as it was happening, moment to moment, I found myself cycling between extreme arousal and extreme jealousy. "Oh wow, that's incredibly hot... Wait, she doesn't usually kiss me that passionately. Does she like him better than me? Holy shit, the sound of him smacking against her pawg ass is incredible!"

So I'm sure you're asking by now when those mixed emotions finally went away and I was able to simply enjoy everything. Well, it's been three years and they still haven't completely gone away. For the most part, we're now open to anything and I love watching her have sexy fun. But sometimes, something hits me in a weird and unexpected way. When that happens, I remind myself that this is something we both enjoy, that emotions are temporary, and that the feelings will pass. That first video from three years ago where my wife kissed the guy passionately after he came? The moment that made me so jealous for weeks after the experience. The moment I considered editing out and trying to forget forever? It's now one of my favorite moments of any of our experiences. I watch it now and I feel compersion that she was enjoying herself so much and got so caught up in the moment.

So what's my advice to you? Honestly, I don't know. Everyone handles emotion differently and I can't say if you and your husband are in a position to work through those things together. People are probably right that you should slow down and talk things over more if he's feeling these mixed emotions before anything has happened. From your side, I would recommend you reassure him often. Help remind him that this is something the two of you are doing together for both of your pleasure. When it happens for the first time, although it will be easy to get caught up in the moment, remember to pay as much attention to your husband as you can. Make eye contact, smile at him, tell him you love him, etc. Having my wife smile at me and say she loves me as another man's cock slides into her is absolutely incredible. When it comes down to it, this lifestyle is all about strong communication and emotional bond between you and your husband. Some people seem to think that couples get involved in this lifestyle because they don't love each other. Some people get involved in this lifestyle thinking it will somehow fix their relationship issues. The opposite is true. If you don't already have a near-unbreakable emotional bond, if you don't communicate openly and honestly about damn-near everything, then entering into this lifestyle is probably going to blow your life up.

If I had to give you advice in a nice little nugget, I'd say tell your husband that you want to know exactly what he's feeling at all times, good or bad. That you understand his emotions are complicated and that you're willing to help him work through them as much as you can. But that it's ultimately up to him to decide if he feels the end results will be worth the emotional turmoil he may have to work through to get there, and even after you get there. It absolutely was for me. I just messaged my wife the other day and said, "If someone had told me 19 years ago that someday my favorite hobby would be watching my wife fuck other people, I'd have said they were crazy." Although it's changing, society really pushes the idea that anger is the only emotion men are allowed to feel and express. Make sure your husband knows you're comfortable with him feeling and expressing the entire gamut of emotions.