Lately, my wife and I have been exploring the idea of swinging and hotwifing. It's something we both find intriguing, and for me, the thought of watching her with another man is undeniably arousing. In preparation, we started having open conversations about our past sexual experiences.

I was hesitant at first. I've slept with over ten women, but my wife has always seemed conservative, and I wasn't sure how she'd react. I asked if she had been with more than five men. She said yes. She explained it was during a "dark year" in her life, after discovering her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her and they broke up.

Curious, I guessed a higher number--20. She hesitated, then admitted it was more. Stunned, I threw out a wild guess: "More than 50?" Her silence said everything. "In just one year?" I asked. She nodded. I pressed further, asking if it was over 100. She said she'd stopped counting after 50, but it was definitely in the hundreds, sometimes up to 5 different guys in a day and she made sure she practiced safe sex every time.

In that moment, I stood before the woman I deeply love, the mother of our beautiful kids, and the person I had fantasized about sharing with others in the bedroom. I wasn't angry--after all, we were preparing to explore non-monogamy together. But I felt an overwhelming mix of surprise, arousal, and confusion.

The next day, I spent hours processing my emotions. I couldn't quite pin down what I was feeling, but I knew one thing for certain: I love her deeply. I texted her from work: "I know this has been a lot to talk about, but I want you to know I love you very much. We have an amazing life together and a wonderful family. I'm happy you've explored your sexuality--I'm just trying to process everything."

She responded with relief, saying, "I'm glad we're on the same page." I reassured her that we were, but joked that she seemed to be ten chapters ahead of me in her sexual adventures.

Logically in my politically correct brain, I know her past doesn't change our present or future. It's a chapter of her life that shaped who she is today, the woman I adore. And we're about to embark on new sexual explorations together. But that strange, indescribable feeling lingers. Maybe we should just keep going with our sexual adventures and let the new experiences make the past feel less important.