Okay, technically I am bisexual, but I'm probably about a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale. I loved having sex with girls when I was in highschool and college, but I always had STRONG gay urges. When I came out and started dating men in my 20s, I pretty much stopped having sex with women (or seeking it out) entirely.

It's been 15 years since my last steady girlfriend, and I've been happily married to a man for 10. I've hooked up a lot of men in that time so I have no complaints about my sex life (my hubby and I are open). I am a little pussy curious now that it's been so long, but I can live without it.

But I have one very intense fantasy I come back to on a daily basis: I fantasize that my ex gf from 15 years ago is my wife, and I regularly let other men fuck her. She had such an adorable and sexy body, and she was the only girlfriend I had that was really honest and loyal with me, so I felt no sense of threat when other men would flirt with her--in fact I felt flattered. Because of that, I got a feeling that was like the opposite of jealousy. I __wanted__ my friends to know how good her pussy felt and how cute her bare tits looked.

Now that I know a lot more about sex and relationships, I see that a hotwife situation might have been where we progressed to if we stayed together. I didn't know open relationships were even a thing back then, and we broke up before it got to that point (I broke it off because I thought I might be gay). But I remember after we broke up, as a rebound she had a fling with one of our mutual friends, and hearing about that got me really excited. I'm not even attracted to the guy, but the thought of it still gets me hard all these years later.

I am posting this mostly to get it off my chest, but also to see if anyone relates. Are there any men who are in this lifestyle because they are obsessed with their wives, but also obsessed with cock, and mixing the two is the ultimate pleasure? I read a lot of hotwife posts, but it seems like bisexual husbands are either in it for the humiliating aspect or are mostly straight but will be bi with a bull.

And if anyone has any clever ideas on how I could stay married to my husband but explore this fantasy, I am all ears. Bringing a girl into our bedroom is a non-starter though, that man is gay gay gay gay gay. My brain short-circuits trying to imagine him enjoying a woman's body. For a number of reasons, reaching out to my ex from 15 years ago is also a non-starter. I think my husband would be okay with me having a girlfriend or fwb so it's not technically impossible, I am just overwhelmed by how unlikely it is that I'll 1. find a girl i like 2. she likes me and gives me a strong sense of trust that she won't hurt me emotionally or lie to me 3. she's okay with being 2nd to my marriage (maybe she has her own thing going on) 4. she has a high sex drive and wants to involve me in her slutty adventures. Hopefully I'm wrong about how unlikely that is--I'd appreciate words of encouragement in that regard. Thanks for any and all responses.