Trying to keep this as short as possible

I was introduced to the lifestyle by my now ex wife, our marriage was very brief due to addiction on her part, however, I didnt want to get out of the lifestyle as I enjoyed it immensly, but single guys just aren't as welcomed, so I didn't have the opportunity to continue after our relationship ended...

That ended in 2006 and I reconnected with an ex, my current wife shortly after and had a child with her in 2008, the lifestyle has been bottled up inside me ever since and sexually frustrated is a massive understatement, to go from the lifestyle to the palest shade of vanilla kept me frustrated and maybe even bitter at times, from sex every single day, my (ex) wife having a live in girlfriend and MFF & MFM 3somes and MFFM group activities very, very regularly to sex once a week, one position, lights out, no oral and always right before bed so very low energy...

I am very open and honest with my wife and she knew / knows of my past and my unhappiness and any improvement was always just temporary at best, I didnt expect her to become some massive sex addict, but had hoped for a middle ground somewhere, maybe sex 2 times a week, give me another position or two and maybe oral once a month....

We had occasionally used toys and she finally let me do a little "dirty talking with her" and roleplayed woth different scenarios and found out she really, REALLY enjoyed the hotwife scenario, to the point I found her watching porn about it as well... which she NEVER used to do based off of our Internet monitoring (having a kid and all we had monitoring devices connected) I didn't bring it up to her, didn't want to embarrass her about it, but enjoyed the immediate changes in our personal life, sex more frequent, porn while having sex, really good roleplaying themes, toys and talk... we couldn't keep our hands off of one another, for about 7 or 8 months, a few weeks ago, she told me she had actually considered doing it, but has decided against it and can't see herself going through with it, which is fine, I can't lie, I'm very disappointed, but now our sex life is going right back to where it was... excuses of why she doesn't want sex, back to one position and hurry up and finish type attitude when we do have sex...

She knows I'm disappointed and I asked her to reconsider, not that she would actually do it, but that it may increase the sex drive again... and she is at a hard no still to even reconsider it...

I'm so frustrated, I love her, I can't imagine not being with her, but our dead bedroom is absolutely killing my emotions towards her.... its wasn't as bad before hand because I just figured it's who she was, but now that I've seen how much she enjoyed "considering" the lifestyle, I can't understand why she would take it back to the way things were before!