I've been obsessed with the Hotwife kink since my wife and I were in college. I opened up to her about it back then and she has turned it down for almost 20 years whenever I playfully bring it up. I think under normal circumstances, I would just accept my situation and lay it to rest.

However, here's the thing: she seems to love everything about Hotwifing and she won't stop reminding me of it! It's driving me nuts!

So, a few things to know about my wife:

• Her greatest fantasy, even before we ever met, was having sex with other men. Men that weren't her husband or BF. Men that she might meet at a club or bar or on vacation, and she would just fuck them and move on. She has dozens of fantasy scenarios for this topic.
• She loves big cocks. She loves using giant dildos and sleeves in our sex play (I love this too), and openly admits that she prefers it to me (she's never mean about it and only says that if I ask for her preference).
• She is extremely attractive and even today at 41 pulls the attention of attractive guys in their 20s. She always loves it when she gets that attention and it can often turn her on as well, and she will share that fact with me.
• When we have sex, especially when it involves the sleeve, she INSISTS on roleplaying. She indulges her fantasy of fucking another guy who isn't her husband. It is a turn on, sure. But even if I ask can we just be ourselves, she invariably starts role playing after a few mins.
• And lastly, when she was younger. She used to do a lot of minor acting roles. She would be in commercials and plays, and often she would have to do something slightly intimate. Like kissing a guy she just met 5 mins ago for a take. Or have some guy grab her ass for these weird avant gard plays.
  • When I tried to understand more of that world, she told me that it was just acting. Her body might do something, but there wasn't anything emotional there and she was capable of separating the two with ease. When I asked if she ever enjoyed it, she said sure. It's nice if she had to kiss or straddle a good looking guy, but would then quickly clarify that it was just acting ...

So I share all of that background to say that there are sooo many qualities that clearly indicate that my wife would be well suited as a Hotwife. It's not just my fantasy, but hers as well! And she seems to crave the thrill of it because she doesn't stop bringing it up.

However, whenever I gently ask (not push) if this is something we can explore one day, I get shut down hard and fast. And this is not something that I shared awkwardly 1 month ago. This is something that I have thoughtfully discussed with her over 20 years.

So, fine. I can accept that I will never know what it is like to have a hotwife. But the fact that she brings it up repeatedly in our sex lives with fantasies and toys makes it really difficult to let go of my desire for it to be a reality.

I feel like I can give up asking for it to be a reality if she can give up constantly referencing it as a fantasy. But if she can't give up her fantasies, then I can't help but continue hoping and pursuing the chance of it really happening.

The whole situation seems absurd sometimes and drives me nuts. I need to figure out a path forward, but can't see the way. I would appreciate any advice people want to share.