So I want to start from the beginning. My wife and started dating in our early 30s (second marriage for both, 40 now). I soon found out she had been in the adult film industry for a bit when she was younger. Which I had no issues with and had respect for a woman doing what it takes to pay the bills being a self made business owner myself. Unexpectedly I actually found it kind of hot.

Inevitably my curiosity got the best of me and started digging around for her content and I found it super hot, especially the MF or MFM scenes. Watching her and seeing the pleasure she got from the good ones was very unexpectedly erotic for me. Whenever masturbated, I masturbated to her fine work. Still do.

During The first few years of our marriage her prior work would come up here and there And it always quietly turned me on to listen to her talk about it, but I never spent much time telling her how hot I thought it was. I would gently pry for information wondering if she actually enjoyed the acts. She would give me honest answers. Which is sometimes depending on the partner. It can be a good time but, there is very much such a thing as too big or just no chemistry. I began looking for the ones where she enjoyed herself and it furthered my intensity.

For some background, in the past I had been in a very vanilla marriage in which I was not very attracted to my ex and kind of put sex off as a thing that didn't interest me that much. Which worked out good for focusing on my business but really destroyed my marriage and ended with her cheating on me sort of (long story there). In the long run it was for the best, but back on topic.

My current wife is immensely attractive to me. She has awoken a sexual energy that I never thought I had. We have always had amazing sex 5-7 times a week for the first few years. She will cum 95% of the time at least once and her screams are what I lived for. Time moved on and as all marriages do, things slowed down a bit with the 9-5 days, stress and kids and the yada yada.

Overtime to spice things up I had brought some sex toys into the mix of various types and sizes. Starting with the cheapies from the local shop moving onto high quality realistic ones (check out RealDoll RealCock2, we have several and Rockwell is her favorite). I'm a little bit above average in size 6.5in, but nothing to write home about. She was reluctant at first but overtime when we get drunk or do some MDMA, out comes the fake cocks and 5 orgasms later we lay in bliss. During this often some dirty talk comes out while she sucks on one while being fucked by me or vise versa. She tells me it's "my pussy and I decide what I do with it". Very hot. We have also watched a couple of her films together and reenacted the scenes.

In more recent times. We took a trip and had some discussions prior about how if that were to ever happen it would be abroad. To keep things far away from reality and any possibilities of future endeavors. I took to the Internet and started seeking out a good person without her knowledge (I know bad idea). When I fessed up about it after copious drinks. She very drunkenly told me to get him over to our room. The encounter didn't pan out and honestly it was a relief for both us. Still lead to some hot sex though leading up to and after.

After that we had some morning after chat about the fiasco and I told her I was actually pretty nervous over the whole thing and we both agreed texting some random cock on the Internet was a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. We would play the rest of the trip by ear maybe attend a swingers club in an adjoining city and see what happens organically when we get home. Maybe try some public play or voyeurism first. She mentioned at the end of the trip that she felt bad that it didn't happen. I told her I don't want to her feel rushed. I honestly have mixed feelings about it anyway. Fantasy can be better than reality.

So, now in the now. Couple of days after the trip we are home doing the usual 9-5. She sends me a very hot pic of herself, which is not super uncommon but unexpected this particular day. When I ask her what's it for she said she wanted good pics that don't show her face for using online to find someone. I was immediately turned on but also got a deep sinking feeling. I guess you could call it an anxiety boner.

Had I opened Pandora's box? I didn't actually expect her to start actively seeking it. She says its for me but I know how sexuality works and I certainly don't want some local dude hitting my wife on the regular leading to who knows what. To be clear I trust her and we have the best time, best sex and very deep love for each other but it kind of freaked me out. I know unfair this sounds when I was doing research without her.

When I get home she tells me signed up for a LS profile online in a neighboring city because she felt I was disappointed in the trip because it didn't happen, but I assured her that's not the case. We didn't have much time to talk about it in depth as the kids where around and we both had major jet lag and passed out. This morning I wake up super early with an anxiety boner. I masturbate thinking about the possibilities and like my usual self start doing Internet research to scare the crap out of myself. Lots of good and tons of bad out there.

So basically I'm just looking for advice. I'm not super ok with her talking to guys without me online. I worry things could get emotional and that's a bad road. I also don't want to 100% control the whole thing because that is not fair to her. I'm also not onboard with her meeting men without me at all. I have more of a threesome mentality. Not sure if that's still considered Hotwifeing or not? I also have a little bit of size insecurity (grower not a shower), but I find it hot for her to cum on a bigger dick. I honestly get more jealous about the idea of her kissing another man and having long deep conversations than getting fucked. I'm not sure if that's weird? It's like a feeling of erotic jealousy for something that hasn't happened yet. I love my wife so much and want her and I to have pleasure and continue to have great sex, but I don't want to ruin our marriage.

Any thoughts or experiences are welcome. Thanks in advance. Sorry about the long post.