Sorry for the long post, but please read and comment on your thoughts…

So this is my story to my hotwife lifestyle. A few years ago now my husband decided to tell me about his fantasy, at the time he told me he found the idea of me sleeping with someone else hot. Il be honest this truly freaked me out. I was so confused, my whole life i wanted to be with someone who truly worshipped me and wanted me all to himself. So in that moment if im honest my whole life came crashing down. I couldnt believe what i was hearing.

Little did i know this would actually get worse... I convinced myself this was just pretend but in real life he wouldnt let me go through with it. We argued, i snapped and then we didnt talk about it again. One night in bed he brought this up again, i think we had had a few drinks and now he was more open. He told me it was a genuine fantasy and he would like me to text someone. I honestly wanted to cry and run away. My husband was happy for to cheat. Did he not love me, care about me. In my head i couldnt think of anything worse. Why am i married to someone who thinks so little of me. To cut a long story short i completely shut him down. I couldn't really look at him/ talk to him. I wanted to leave him.

This went on for a while. In fact until recently i wouldnt talk about it i was im ashamed to say very short sited at what he was feeling. Whilst i was being quite selfish what i didnt realise was how hurt this had made my husband, my words towards him has caused him to feel sick, wrong in the head, messed up. Id made him think something was up with him. I had never meant to cause this. I love him but all id thought about was how his fantasy had made me feel. I hadnt stopped to think how confused this must have made him feel.

We finally had a very open conversation in which he was finally able to talk freely without judgment from me. I actually felt overwhelmed with love because he trusted me so much to openly divulge something so taboo to other people. I finally let me guards down and openly listened to him without and judgment and was able to see things differently. I too felt different towards his fantasy. When i began to understand it i realised i too had a similar fantasy.

To me i like dominance and although our fantasys differ they do cross paths as his fantasy concludes with showing me how he wants to be dominant to make me see im the only one for him no matter what man i potentially got with im my husbands and thats how it will always be. So through a little fear i started to experiment a little with the idea of hotwifing.

To stress for me this is just a fantasy and would never become a reality. Iv made this clear to my husband who fully respects it and would never make me feel pressured into things. Im not going to lie theres been a few pushbacks which is usually when i get in my head a little, but as long as we communicate we can bring my barriers down and i stop panicking.

Recently iv sent messages to men, even photos and some dirty messages. This is all done with my husband present and the sex afterwards is absolutely insane. I cant say i fully understand everything and there are times i question his feelings. I have put walls up in my head and then its caused friction, if theres one thing iv learned its communication is so important.

I would say our relationship is better than ever. I cant say what the futures going to bring, i think i will still every now and again message people, but ultimately my life is with my husband and if anything im more understanding and less judgmental to other peoples lifestyles. If it works for you and theres trust then theres nothing wrong with it.

My husband and I talk about my hot past and this too excites me and I get turned on by the thought of it, before I would be put off but now that I understand more about this lifestyle I find myself getting wetter to the idea. He has recently asked me to message some of my past lovers which I am considering, he can read for himself about what we used to do, how they felt and if they decide to send a photo or two l know this would be a turn on for us both! I once met with a guy in my past and he was far too big for me then, but I like to fantasise about if the situation were to arise again would i be more willing to try it!!

Iv spoken to my friends and they are so supportive and very much each to their own kind of opinions. Iv never felt closer to my husband, i would say my only regret is how i made me husband feel through my short sitedness. I never meant to cause such hurt to the most important person in my life. II never forgive myself for making him feel like a "freak" He had such courage to divulge such personal feelings, im incredibly lucky.

I don't see myself actually doing anything with anyone else because my i feel like it would change me as a person and im completely happy and satisfied with my husband and my sex life, but im happy to do other things and open to others opinions on how to explore the lifestyle without actually sleeping with someone else.

Sorry for the rambling.