tldr; I talked to a guy on here that didn't work out but showed me my comfort greatly depends on the third. I'm torn between looking for this and suggesting we both do a porn/dopamine fast*

My partner and I have been talking about me watching her fuck another guy from us talking about spicing up our relationship with threesomes. MFM, FMF whatever. I'm confident in many aspects. I'm in much better shape than most guys way younger than me without steroids, and I would say my dick is big/above average but not huge. Our sex life was great at first but we have been together a while and have children . There was a period I was also suffering from premature ejaculation and she would get mad at me when I couldn't really help it. It was just a month or two and I was over that awhile before this was brought up. When we talked about a MFM threesome she knows I have performance anxiety if I'm not comfortable. I said I may not be able to and she said I could just watch. This hurt because she didn't seem to consider how I felt but the thought of it turned me on. We have watched porn (I try to find scenes with women that resemble her), and it turns me on feeling how wet her pussy is thinking about getting fucked by another guy. I will tell her this and call her a slut and she will usually cream up and cum from this quickly but I can fuck her forever. She is bothered that we only fuck like this fantasizing about others.

She says she wants me there for safety, but I think this turns her on too. I would prefer her fuck someone else, bringing me a video, but she's very "submissive" if that's the word. She's a people pleaser and won't say no, especially to guys. I want to try sloppy seconds and she says she feels slutty thinking about mine and some other guys cum in her pussy but she's not on birth control. The timing has to be right and the guy should be tested. Sending her off alone she would probably come back potentially pregnant filled with some random diseased perverts cum.

A "bull" messaged me on here saying he had been with 20 couples despite being young and said it was a bad idea. He messaged me to begin with saying any party should be willing to stop it any time without resentment. I posted here about how to me, if I got cold feet at the last minute when they were worked up and stopped it and she was mad I didn't let her fuck some other guy, it would be worse for our relationship than just letting it happen while I was uncomfortable.

I would say okay but he kept sending unnecessary messages. I looked at his profile and he seemed perfect. He was into nerdy fantasy shit that she's into sometimes and I'm not. He said his first love was a black girl (we are an interracial couple) and he said he always wore condoms. He seemed as afraid of getting wives pregnant as I am of her getting pregnant. He later said he would be okay cumming in her pussy. But he seemed perfect for her. I like the idea of her getting her brains fucked out by a nerdy guy preferably with a big dick. I asked if he's interested and why he tries to keep the conversation going and says he will think about it. Based on the conversation I trusted him to be responsible and considerate more than her.

I told him he could spend the night if we didn't have the kids and he passed through. So there would be no expectation for sex and no pressure. He may have more experience with couples but I know me and her. I need it to be spontaneous. She needs to be told to be a slut but to avoid problems, she needs to see how much I enjoy it. For this reason I can see a threesome being fine but me not getting it up, and walking out of the room with them fucking because it's too much to watch causing a lot of problems for us. If he was so concerned about our relationship he could show restraint even if she didn't. I'm not going to act like a nutjob unless someone disrespects me or our rules. I would appreciate the restraint on his part but said it would be up to them. He said he would be able to perform 100% which makes me a little jealous tbh, but that's really all that matters. If I tell her to strip and spread her ass in front of him at the dinner table, and she sees im serious and turned on her pussy would be dripping. He's her type and they will love each other.

But then he says I should tell her why he's coming when I wasn't, so there was nothing pressure for me for a threesome or anything sexual to happen. Then wants her to make an account to talk which I'm not comfortable with. I don't mind her picking him up to be alone a few hours if I trusted him but I don't like the idea of her being on her phone all the time texting other guys. He knew I was more comfortable with both of us fucking her and I told him it needed to be spontaneous for me to be comfortable but he didn't seem to care. Long story short that's not happening but I see how important it is to find the right guy. IRL though this seems daunting. I don't want to ask guys to fuck her but it's not in her nature to ask either. If I asked this I would feel very vulnerable and the wrong reaction to it could make me angry. Is it hard to find guys like this?

The alternative is suggesting we abstain from porn, masturbation and sex for a while. And me reading about this. Idk if she will because she would masturbate a lot when I went through this premature ejaculation phase. But I think vanilla sex would be more pleasurable for both of us then. Has anyone tried it.