Long Post, but I feel like the backstory and details are important. And I guess I need a place to blurt my feelings out.

Because it's always asked or assumed in the comments, we are very happily married, have a passionate and wonderful sexlife, and are both realistic about human relations and attraction. We understand monogomy probably isn't natural for humans, and we're all kinda brainwashed from an early age to accept it as the norm. Our marriage is great, trust is solid, and I romance the hell out of this lady, and cannot imagine losing her. I don't fear anyone stealing her away - but have all the same insecurites that most men probably have.

Me and my wife recently fell into this LS, and it's been a whirlwind of fun. Like most it started w/innocent flirting, then bedroom games, then toying w/the reality of it. There was a lot of "yeah, lets' do this" and then "...actually I was just horny and that was dirty talk" but eventually turned into reality. I was always respectful, and never pushed anything. This isn't really a fetish I ever expected to be a part of so I'm not really sure where it started.

Fast forward a while and I joke about how hot it might be for her to have Tinder and the thrill of being caught/seen by colleagues while she's traveling, and suddenly one night we're creating her profile together, and laughing at getting tons of potential matches. At this point, things are moving so fast, I say "hey, we need to talk about this, what are the rules, what are the requirments, etc? How is this gonna happen, what are you looking for, what do you want out of this?"

So we sit down, establish boundaries, set requirements on the guys, all normal stuff I imagine.

1. This is just sex.
2. Always play safe.
3. Get tested regularly.
4. We both reserve the right to stop this at any time, for any reason, w/no hard feelings from either party.
5. We'll do everything possible to minimize risk of feelings, no hanging out and becoming friends w/folks. No socializing, bedroom only. Quick chemistry meetups are allowed, but should be a quick coffee date, nothing more.
6. We're only allowed to hunt w/the other's approval. We always know who's talking to who, and what's going on. ALWAYS.
7. If we're arguing or having a bad day, no hunting or meet-up are allowed.
8. If going on a solo date (which should be a rarity), I will get a lot of video and pictures of the event, and we'll text each other constantly to check in, make sure things are okay, share location, etc.
   1. If if looked like a thing was going to happen, we're always supposed to check in w/the other party, get approval, touch base on feelings, etc.
9. She's a bit of a size queen, and we agreed partners need to be hung more than I (I'm above average).
10. We both approve potentials (if it's a maybe for either party, it should be considered a hard no)

As we explored this, we had a lot of talks about potential issues and concerns, and how we'd prevent them, fix them, and move on. I have always had some insecurties, so I always communicated when things are making me feel off, and when I needed some affirmation from her. Eventually, we agree we'll try this, see how it works, and see if the LS is for us. I feel we both did everything we could do to approach this is healthy, mature, understanding adults.

The beginning:

Right away, I notice she's on those apps a LOT. Constantly hunting for bulls and enjoying the attention and flirting. I began to wonder if I created a monster, and worred what this might turn into. Is this our life now? Is she always going to be hunting when I'm relaxing and reading a book? Is there room for this and our life to coexist? I always communcated, asked for affirmation if needed, expressed concerns. We shared everything, I saw all the messages, etc. So, again nothing too scary yet.

She matched w/one guy that didn't seem like a bull really, he just looked like a fuckboi. Let's call him FB. He threw red flags for me from the beginning. He didn't meet the requirements, and did not want to do MFM, was only interested in solo play, etc. He really didn't even want to group chat, and was only interested in talking one-on-one w/her, which seemed a bit disrespectful to be honest. He was aggressive, and talked a good talk, but we both agreed he should be dropped from the running since her didn't meet any requirement. Our first guy should be exactly what we want we agreed.

Later on, she's coming back from a work trip (she's been gone all week and horned up) and joking about being horny, and maybe stopping by a bar on the way home to flirt and hunt. It had been a busy week for us both, and we hadn't really got to connect and talk at all, (so I don't know how much chatting she had been doing w/folks while away). I laughed and told her to enjoy herself and started getting messages about one of the guys wanting to meet, tonight. When she shares the chats it's FB. I ask why is we're still talking to him (because we had agreed he wasn't the one) and she admitted that the chats from earlier in the week kinda made her change her mind (they had been chatting while she was away).

I asked the questions I should've. "Do you want him as your first?" "Are you sure?" "I don't want either of us to regret this choice". She said she was good, and asked to proceed - and since this is all about fun, I obliged (my mistake). She came home to shower and change, we went over ground rules again, set expectations, talked about emergency plans if needed, and she left for our first encounter.

Right away literally nothing goes as planned. I don't get any texts for hours. I eventually get a text and they're at a bar, and have been there for hours. I text my concerns, but I don't get anything back. Then I get a text saying they're leaving, I express my annoyance that there's been no communication really, no check in, etc - but again, get nothing back. Another hour goes by, and I finally get a picture message, and it's them kinda cuddling on the couch. My gut drops, the reality hits a bit hard, but I'm processing my feelings and wondering how to react, or what to send back considering how the night is going. I'm wondering if I'm going to get the "do you consent" message or not, and then then it becomes clear I won't.

Then the real stuff starts coming. Get a video message and it's him rubbing his dick unprotected on her, and basically is trying to convince her to go bare - timid thrusts and her obviously struggling to say no. Then another short video, then another. He did wrap-up, but it's not clear when, and how much of that line was crossed before. Each video about 20 seconds long, in various positions. I get the last one and it's clear that this already happened, they had been fucking for a while, and I'm just now getting the videos and messages.

She comes home, and I'm torn between talking to her now and ruining the mood, or saving it for tomorrow. We have passionate reclaimation sex, and I say let's talk about everything tomorrow when we're rested. Frustratingly she doesn't remember details very well, but says the total event lasted a good 30-40 minutes, and didn't have any good excuses as to why there was only 3 minutes of video shot for me. She understands that just about every rule was ignored, and feels bad, but is also already interested in doing this again (and to be honest when she's talking dirty about it, I am too).

I'm so messed up at this point. I'm so turned on (because even though I got only 3 minutes of video, it was a REALLY hot 3 minutes), but also really torn up because I feel like none of our rules were followed. The videos are great, and while I can't stop watching them, they also hit home and make me feel like I can't compete w/any of that. I want to be upset w/her for lots of reasons, but am also trying to be understanding of how that first meetup must've been, and can see how easy it could be to get swept up in it. I struggle w/feelings of possiveness suddenly, (someone slept w/"my" wife) and I understand that is probably normal on some level, I'm still struggling to work with it.

I understand you're just strangers on the internet. But I would love some perspectives from folks experienced w/this. How do you handle these feelings?