So I would like to hear others' experience with Hotwifing and jealousy.

We have been in and out of the LS for 18 years. My husband met me at 18 and brought me into the lifestyle on our third date. We started as swinger doing couple swaps, dabbled with FMF and MFM, too. After a few tries, I found that I have absolutely no interest in the ladies, so we changed up our dynamic. My husband started joining couples and singles as a bull (my suggestion), and I was happy with MFM for my safety.

Fast forward to 2020, my sex drive kicks into overdrive, and I am constantly horny. I ask my husband to go out on one on ones, as my experience level has risen, and I am no longer scared meeting men. He is absolutely opposed to it at first. I spark up interest with a recently separated guy who I had a major crush on in HS. We hit it off as we definitely haven't chatted besides liking each others posts. He tells me he hasn't been laid in like 8 months, and yeah, I wanted that pent-up release to be inside me. I tell my husband, and he offers a 3-way. I pass on it and counter a one on one. We speak over a months and my dude disappears. I still need this itch scratched, I start talking to 2 other men. One is an older gentleman who is enamored with me the other is a guy I have known for years who we tried numerous occasions to swap with but his wife just wasn't feeling it, now they are divorced and I gave him his chance again. I get the hall pass with some conditions and set up a few dates. My ghost pops up again and wants me to come over.

So, I obliged my ghost one night, he couldn't wait and just fucked me silly at his front door. Yeah, not my cup of tea but fuck it was hot. So this was Thursday.

My older gentleman met me one afternoon and we had a wonderful time on Saturday morning. I then met my other guy at a hotel party that night with my husband, and we just fooled around. On Tuesday, I met the other guy again for a dismal quickie. Then Saturday I meet my older gentleman again.

So here is my issues, my husband gets super jealous, and upset since I violated my condition every time (yes I am a horrible person, my conditios were to film and I just wasn't gonna do it), and I end all my relationships. Fast forward a month and well fuck my IUD failed. I'm knocked up, my first. Looking back and my conception date is right smack in the middle of me taking 4 different guy's creampies in one week.

We go through all the drama and we find out its my husband's we leave the LS and here we are now.

So, I want to go back to one on ones, however my husband is firmly against it, and I am still firmly against filming. We have done a MFM and will be doing a swap in 2 weeks. He has no issues with me fucking guys while he is there. It's the one on ones. I just feel so much at ease when it's just me. I'm not putting on a show or feel like I'm disappointing one of the parties.

What can I do to help my guilt of having my husband watch or help me convince my husband to let me go to my one on ones? Any suggestions, things you've done, ect...?