So wife and I married over 30 years, and faithful to each other 100% since we have been married. We are best friends, have very open and honest communication, love to spend all our time together, have amazing and adventurous sex together several times a week.
We are relatively new to adding a third occasionally. It was my idea, and it took her a couple years to agree.
We wanted to see if it really would make our marriage and sex even hotter.
She tells me all the time that she is mine 100%, I own her and she never wants it any other way.
She ONLY desires to play as long as I want to. We both agreed when we started that we would only do this as long as both of us are having fun. she makes me give her rules before each play time. I am specific about what she is allowed and not allowed to do each time and she follows the rules to a T, and it’s SO HOT. She says she will stop any second. It totally my call.

So, here we are and having a good time at the occasional 3some. I seem to be finding that during the play there are some extremely hot moments, and there are some moments that are a total “blah”(like I’m just a spectator), but I think that’s just the nature of a 3some.
My wife wants me to be on, or in her the entire time, but with 2 men on 1 woman sometimes it’s hard to be all over her every second.
I find during the play that I never have an erection. I’ve also found that since some moments are extremely hot, some are not(just because i feel im spectating), so the overall experience CAN be a bit lack luster. I’m just not sure why.
My attention span is short, and I’m bored very easily in every situation in life. At about the 20-30 minute mark of the play time, I’m ready for the guy to be done and head out. I’m just realizing this, I wasn’t aware previously, but it’s the same each time.

Does anyone else experience this? If so did you overcome? Or is it normal?

All this has me wondering if
1) what are we doing wrong that I’m not into it every second. 2)are we choosing the wrong “friend” 3) is this totally normal 4)maybe this isn’t for me

I appreciate husbands and wives thoughts.