Me and my wife are just getting started and thus far have only lightly played around with a friend of mine. We've been on Feeld and have gotten quite a bit of attention but for the most part everyone has flaked. Which leads me to the situation I'm seeking some advice on:

We had one very promising partner who we were going to meet up with. They've talked and were vibing very well. Wife wants us to meet up with any potential partners casually and in public before we do anything to make sure everything feels right.

This potential partner is currently married, and his wife does NOT have a profile on Feeld. He had mentioned that they both play separately and she currently has a sidepiece as well. We wanted to make sure that we weren't going to be privvy to anyone's potential infidelity, so she asked if she could briefly speak with his wife just to make sure she was ACTUALLY on-board. Once we mentioned this, he said that he brought it up to his wife but wouldn't be able to let this conversation actually happen because they essentially have a policy where she doesn't want to meet his play-partners because she wants to stay as discreet as possible.

So here's my questions: Were we overstepping our boundaries in asking to speak with her to make sure this is something she actually signs off on? He has a profile on a few other sites, all of them with a face pic, so if he's cheating he's definitely not doing a very good job of keeping it a secret. Is this kind of don't-ask-don't-tell policy fairly common among couples?