My [30M] wife[36F] and I have been married for nearly 7 years. Our sex life started put very vanilla and while frequency has declined a bit, over these years we've ventured much further out of the vanilla sex lifestyle. She's been open to many things such as more toys, pegging, sex with another couple in a pool at the same time (not swapping) and even gotten nipple and vertical hood piercings. She likes rougher sex more often lately and has really come out of her shell with me.

Over the past year or so I heard about the lifestyle and have been lurking on here for a while. While I'm not sure I would ever want her to go out and play alone because I'd want us to experience this together, I do fantasize about her being with other men.

The other night we were going at it and she kept saying things like "harder" and "deeper". I asked her how much harder and how much deeper and she just kept saying it. So, I mentioned that if that's what she wants, we might have to find something, or someone that can go deeper and give her what she wants. She acted a bit confused and when we finished she asked me what I meant. I confessed that I've been fantasizing about her being with another man.

This didn't go over very well. She was immediately turned off and said she is willing to try just about any of my fantasies but not with other people. She wasn't mean in the way she said it but was firm. The next day she brought it up again and said it makes her feel uncomfortable because she has everything she could want in me and it feels like it's cheating even if it's something I wanted. I told her I'm sorry for making her uncomfortable and I'd never want her to do something she's not ok with.

But damn do I still fantasize about it. So my question is, how do you bring this up in a way that explains the "why" behind it withoit pushing your partner away?