Me and my fainceé, both 30, took our first steps into CNM a couple of months ago and I have to say it’s working out better than I ever could’ve thought or hoped.

She first brought up the idea of having an open relationship about two years ago. We had been having a rough patch for a while and I remember feeling very bad from the suggestion. I basically felt like I was failing horribly and that this might be the beginning of the end for us. We of course talked about this and she told me to think about it. And I did, off and on for the better part of these past two years. I tried to read up on it as much as I could at times and at other times I just wanted to ignore and forget the whole thing, it went up and down a lot in my mind.

She kept asking though every now and then, my thoughts and feelings on the subject, and never in a nagging or bad kind of way I must add. Just checking in and always reassuring me that this would only happen if and when I was okay with it.

Something she told me that first time though that really took time for me to grasp was why she wanted this. She had been struggling for quite a while with not feeling like herself, she told me. You see, my fianceé is a very charismatic person, she lights up any room she enters basically and her way of interacting with people is flirty to say the least. And she’s always had a more relaxed view on sex than I have as well. So she’s been sort of holding back all of this since we got together. And even though it was something she thought she wanted and something she thought would be okay her therapist at the time suggested that it might not be something she could just repress like that. That it was just who she was and that there wasn’t anything wrong with having these thoughts or these feelings, it’s just that in our society, and especially in such a small town/city that we live in people are expected to behave and live a certain way. And I personally had never had thoughts like this myself before so I never even had to challenge that norm, until we started talking about it.

And when I understood that she isn’t out to “replace” me or something like that, she just wants to feel that thrill, that heat and passion in those moments when you meet someone new at the club or the bar. And feel free to enjoy it for an evening before bringing that energy back home to me.

Once I understood this I agreed to try it. We were both nervous and a bit apprehensive though still. We were both very aware of the fact that this might not be for us anyway and we couldn’t know how we’d feel about it until something happened obviously.

So we agreed to have an open relationship. Both free to flirt and more with someone if we felt like it.

For several months though nothing really happened. Which was kind of a surprise to the both of us. Now I wasn’t as keen on being with other girls as she was so I wasn’t that surprised on my behalf but still.

It all changed on midsummer though. She went out with her friends to a large celebration and I stayed at home.

She ended up becoming very drunk that night, too drunk even, and she made out with one guy and had brief sex with another. And also breaking some of the rules we had agreed on beforehand so it absolutely wasn’t perfect.

She did come home and tell me everything though and we talked. I was initially of two minds about it, concerned because it had involved people that we know(one rule) and because she hadn’t used protection(another rule) but I couldn’t deny that it turned me on as well. And to see her again as she told me, she was glowing. So yeah, we ended up having sex and I even had her tell me about it all during.

We talked about it for several days after, and she felt very bad for how she’d gone about things. And I also expressed my dislike of how it had happened as well of course and told her that stuff like that can’t happen again and she of course agreed. But none of us regretted that something had happened. In fact we found ourselves in a great place together. She was absolutely glowing for days and the same flirty and exciting person I fell in love with nine years ago. Since then I’ve felt more attracted to her than ever before I think and I now get what I’ve been lacking in our relationship as well, and that’s intimacy with her. Not just sex, though that has increased as well, but just regular physical affection and connection.

And though I have the same liberty as her to be with others I don’t know if I will really. Both of us seem to be getting what they want and need from just her being able to play around. And I’ve also noticed that this whole thing has brought out a more submissive side of me when the two of us have sex for some reason. I’ve always been more dominant before, or well, I guess I’ve been a dom-leaning switch if you want to get technical, but I’ve never really wanted to be submissive to her until now. It’s just something with seeing her like this again, flirty, sexual, confident and glowing that makes me absolutely burn for her.

Once or twice when she's gone out without me she's even told me explicitly not to touch myself while she's gone. That I'm only allowed when she says I am. I can't even begin to explain how crazy that is making me. And my sexual fantasies with her are very much changing from dominating her to being dominated by her.

So yeah, what started as a potential disaster situation for us got turned into something really great instead and I think both of us are happier and more secure in ourselves and others our relationship than either of us have been in a long time.