I'm 51M. I've never demanded monogamy in a relationship. My high school sweetheart became a meth addict and started banging her dealer. It sucked and was painful but I also remember sitting outside her house knowing he was in there banging her and being horny as hell.

My next girlfriend was a little bit younger and still a senior in high school (18). I had graduated a year before and her mom wasn't thrilled about her exclusively dating a boy not in high school. So she kept another boyfriend, the guy from school, and we go hang out with him and make out but they never slept together. Until they did. That was really rough to deal with but, again, thinking of her with someone else was hot. Since she was not exclusive, she did not demand that I was either and I saw other people. At one point I was basically dating two beautiful young women and even had sex with them both on the same day once. One in the morning and one that evening. Everybody knew and was amazingly chill.

I was once dating a gal who just loved to fuck. But we were more friends than anything and we went to a party as friends and she ended up going home with my best friend. I went home alone but we all three ended up in bed together (MFM, no MM stuff). Eventually, she took on his roommate as well, taking three hard cocks.

So, I'm used to sharing. Fast forward through the military, college, getting married, having kids... And winding up in a death bedroom for a decade plus, which brought on depression. Even married, my rule from day one had always been that she could do whatever she wants as long as she told me about it and hopefully took pictures or video so I can enjoy it as well. I always said this jokingly but seriously when we first started dating but, as far as I know, she never took advantage of it. I finally told her I wanted to divorce about 2 years ago. A few months later, I met an amazing woman.

We were inseparable for the first 90 days we dated, and then she bounced on me and it didn't see her for 2 months. When I saw her again, the physical attraction was back and the emotions and we were back together. During our 2-month break, she went back and slept with her ex hookup, never really a boyfriend. He is a large black man with a thick cock, which she craves and I can't offer (7" but skinny).

It didn't bother me that she had got back with him and I wasn't surprised that they hadn't worked out. But it was like she needed her fix. When we got back together we agreed to be more open and to try and find another thick black cock for her to play with. But over the next year, that never really happened and we settled into what I call the old married couple syndrome. After being back together for over a year, she suddenly shut down and bounced again a couple weeks ago.

I've seen her and we've been chatting but never really sat down and talked until last night. Besides the other issues, feeling suffocated from just being old married couple, she said, I would be lying if I didn't admit that part of me wants to go back and see my ex and get my fix. I told her that she didn't need to break up with me to do that.

She's never done casual, never had a friend with benefits, he's always just been in a relationship, so this is all very new to her. But I love that she's being open-minded enough to consider it. No more old married couple. We date each other, and we can date others. I'm free to explore my bi curiosity and she's free to get her fix. She told her friend, if neither one of them are insisting that we're exclusive, why not take advantage of it? Ultimately, I would love for us to find someone we can play with together.

For now, I seem to have fallen into a situation with a sexy little hot(notmy)wife. HotFWB who has a bull on the side? Yes, please! But, I don't know why it turns me on. It makes me feel twisted and broken on some level. It's like the logical part of my brain is screaming, "WTF are you thinking?!? Why are you getting hard and horny and not pissed off and jealous? Don't you know your cultural and societal norms?!??"

I'm a hedonist and need to lean into that. I've been reading/listening to The Ethical Slut and I sent her home with the book. I'm hoping we can both deal with all these new emotions and experiences. I welcome all feedback and questions! Thanks!