Advice is usually best if it's tailored to each couples specific situation but I think these 'points' are relevant and hopefully useful to the majority of couples and they aren't really advice so much as 'things I find myself telling couples on a weekly basis'. If nothing else it helps to hear that you're doing ok in a time when the whole world is kinda....whack. So, in no particular order, here it is...

1. The hotwife dynamic is just as valid and viable as all other relationship styles. Not more or less. It’s your marriage/relationship and you should do what works for you. If people judge you for being open or enjoying the hotwife lifestyle that says more about them than you. It’s really not anyone's business how you and your spouse get your rocks off so don’t let the judgement of others stop you from fulfilling your fantasies.

2. You don't have to be perfect. You don’t have to look perfect. You don’t have to be a slut. You don’t have to know how to flirt. You don’t have to be a size queen. You don’t have to be super flexible or know some secret sexy moves. You don’t have to have to be anything other than yourself. I promise that there are many people out there that are into exactly what you have to offer regardless of your weight, height, body type, etc. Be yourself and you’ll be much happier and have better connections with people.

3. There’s nothing wrong for wanting to have sex or have other connections with more than one person. There’s nothing wrong with your spouse wanting you to have sex (or connections) with other people. It doesn’t make you bad, sinful, unfulfilled or any of that. If anything it means that you have a secure enough relationship to explore outside of yourselves.

4. You were probably ‘programmed’ to think complete monogamy is the norm, and it is but that doesn’t make non monogamy (in its various forms) wrong. You’ve likely spent a lifetime with one way of thinking and being and to open up your marriage is a huge step. Be kind to yourselves if you stumble or fall. It happens to all of us. Expect it. If you suddenly wore pants on your head it would take awhile to get used to and this is no different. Your reactions, feelings and concerns may be rooted in monogamous thinking and sometimes it helps to sit in that discomfort and examine it and hopefully grow from that. If and when you struggle, don’t feel bad. Work through it like you would when you pick up any new skill or way of thinking. Opening up and exploring the hotwife thing is a process, not an overnight change. When you stumble through, keep in mind, it has no bearing on whether you’re fit for non-monogamy. It’s a chance to grow and learn and maybe it turns out being open isn’t for you. That’s ok too.

5. It helps to have a friend or a few close friends who are in the know. If you’re the type that values a third party point of view or needs to vent I suggest telling a close friend about your hotwife lifestyle. You don’t have to tell them all the details but it’s nice to have someone to bounce feelings and ideas around that aren’t your spouse. We all need a friend to lift us up or set us straight now and again and it applies here as well. As for anyone in your life who wouldn’t be supportive, fuck em! Ok, not literally but you don’t owe anyone an explanation on how you live you life and certainly not details of your sex life and relationships.

6. Jealousy and insecurity are normal and common. Know it and accept it ahead of time. Figure out healthy ways to work through it so you don't damage your relationship. Have some methods you can try to work through it. Support each other and try to figure out where those feelings come from rather than make insane rules to police behavior that rarely works out well for all involved. I cannot recommend therapy highly enough. You’re in unchartered waters, get help and guidance so you don’t drown. There are poly and non monogamy specific counselors so you don’t have to worry about judgement and you can get the tools to help you in your specific situation with your specific feelings.

7. There’s as many ways to have a hotwife relationship as there are couples who participate. You’re not doing it wrong, You’re not messing up. As long as everyone is safe, sane and consensual you’re doing ok. Keep communicating with all parties involved and your life will be easier. I have more to say about communication but it’s a whole entire post itself so I’ll save it but communicate and really listen to each other. Keep working together to find solutions.