I still get nervous. I am asked all the time by wives that worry about those hotwife butterflies and when they can expect them to subside. Sorry, ladies but mine have yet to do so. To be honest I’m nervous from the time we figure out a time and place until 15 minutes into a date (give or take). It’s horrible and I completely psych myself out. I wish I could say that I’m this uber confident sex goddess who has this whole thing down to a science but that would be so far from the truth. I make no apologies for being an anxious mess about a date night, there’s a lot to be nervous about.

In my case I feel like it has made the whole -leading up to the date- one of my least favorite aspects, I favor after a date when my nerves have subsided and I know how it all went so I’m no longer wondering about it all. To make matters worse (to a degree) I’ll admit that I’m still nervous when I meet a regular fwb or a repeat guy. I’m a little less nervous because I know what to expect for the most part and that alleviates a lot of pressure. Although just recently I sat in my car outside of the rangers place while texting my husband because I was so nervous I almost backed out...as I was sitting in front of his place! I was ready to start the car and bail because my stomach was doing flips and I lost all my nerve at the last minute. In my defense it had been awhile since we had last met up and I’m coming off a long break so I felt my nerves were justified. Luckily my husband calmed me down and wound up having a really great evening.

Here’s the thing though, there’s a fine line between nerves and excitement. I try my best to temper my nerves and remember that I’m (hopefully) feeling equally excited. Finding a balance takes time, practice and experience but it’s worth it. I know at first it’s hard to overcome those butterflies but I argue that it’s worth it to lean towards excited nervous energy and not just downright anxiety over a date. Apparently I must secretly enjoy making myself sick with nervousness and then forcing myself to overcome it...otherwise I don’t know how or why I keep meeting guys and going through these jitters. I do pay very close attention to the feelings before a date though. Just as there’s a fine line between nervous and excited the same is true of nerves and fear. If you feel in your gut that you don’t want to go through with meeting someone then abort mission immediately. Instincts are vital and will help you immensely if you listen to them; don’t make it a habit to push through nerves if something feels off. Only you know the feeling and the difference for yourself but I highly advocate listening to that voice (even when it’s just a whisper, weird feeling, inkling, etc).

There’s also an aspect to this that you come to feel after you have a bit of experience. It’s the feeling after a successful date. There’s few things that compare to the feeling of walking back to your car after having a great night, it’s downright addictive. It’s almost as if you get an equal measure of this sexy, calm, empowered and slightly dizzy feeling in exchange for all of your earlier nerves and anticipation. I’m way into it and many a date has happened because I pushed past the initial nerves in order to get the payoff of that post date (on my home to my husband) buzz. Like I said, it’s addictive and amazing and I hope every hotwife knows what I’m talking about. Like I said I wish I could say that it only takes 3 dates and suddenly the nerves will disappear and you’ll be fine. I can’t guarantee that. Some women are fine from day one and others, like myself, get worked up before a date. Personally I wouldn’t want it any other way. To me it means I am invested in the night/date. I’m eager, enthusiastic, thinking ahead about what could happen, I care about the opinion of the person I’m meeting, I’m hoping it’ll go well for everyone involved, etc. so ultimately I think nerves are a good thing. Listen to them...if it’s anticipation and a little uncertainly use it to your advantage. How many things do you do that scare you a bit and give you a thrill, how often are you nervous and filled with anticipation….I’m guessing not enough. If you use the energy of all the build up and the anticipation of the unknown to your advantage it can play into making you feel like your nerves are productive and you can use them to have an even hotter night.

So ladies I’m sorry to say that those butterflies may never take flight. If you’re like me at all you’ll carry at least a bit of those nerves from date to date. The good news is that those nerves sometimes are the thing that keeps your senses on edge and your head in the game so use them and revel in them and try to make them work in your favor. After all,ladies, this is all about pleasure, anticipation, openness and having amazing experiences...being a bit nervous is a small price to pay for such an amazing payoff.

*Full disclosure I wrote and shared this for my hotwife blog but am sharing it here (in full) as well since I receive so many messages on reddit from couples and wives who are curious about the nerves associated with going on a hotwife date.