So many private messages start with...how can I bring this up/talk about it/broach the subject... I get that it can be a little daunting to bring up this fantasy; it’s hard to be vulnerable and lay your kinks out (I get it). So here’s my 2 cents. Lie about it. I’m not a fan of dishonesty but in this case I’m all for it because it’s harmless and easy. I think that you have to follow up with being honest and tailor this to your wife/marriage/relationship but I see little harm in using any of the following as a way to gauge her initial reaction:

“Honey I...

• read (an article, reddit post, forum, piece in the lifestyle section)

• heard (a podcast, radio show joke, people talking on the train)

• talked with (an old friend, co-worker, etc)

• or had a dream, came across a website, saw it in porn, etc...

about this fantasy/role play/kink called hotwifing.

(explain in your words what it means to you)

What do you think about it….? Now is a good time to just shut up and let it be processed and let her respond.

Then you’ll get something along the lines of…

hmmm, that’s interesting, that’s terrible/cheating/immoral or

hmmm...that could be fun/interesting...would you want to try that, what do you think?

Go from there...of course you should add that you're interested in it. The article, blog, conversation or whatever sparked an interest, made you think about trying it, you want to know more, etc. Now’s the time to ‘fess up’ and let her know that you are indeed into the idea (just as a fantasy or as something you want to really try). If it’s been something you’ve wanted for awhile why not throw in “I used to fantasize about this but I didn’t think it was that common (but now you know otherwise), or you’ve thought about it but weren’t ready to try it/talk about it/ bring it up until now. Use your ‘excuse’ of recently being reminded about it (via podcast,article, conversation) as the thing that re-ignited your desire and made you bring it up now..

Obviously it doesn’t work for all and isn’t the end all be all way of bringing it up but after the millionth pm asking for what to say I figured just putting it out there in one spot was a good way of addressing a common question. Also before I get any shit for saying that it’s terrible to suggest starting out with a lie...I do mean it as a way to simply gauge her interest and reaction to it. Her reaction may not even be how she feels about it but it can at least serve as way to break the ice and start a conversation. I fully believe that honesty is the best policy and the only way to make this work is to be transparent but like I said I see little harm in initially using a white lie to bring it up and get the ball rolling. After that you should be honest with your spouse and approach this together as a couple and go from there.