In my communication with couples and women I’ve noticed that there seems to be two major obstacles to partaking in this lifestyle:

Self-Esteem (feeling inadequate, undesirable, too old, body image issues, etc.)

Cheating (adultery, going against societal norms, being labelled a cheater, etc.)

Self-Esteem: I can relate to not wanting to do this for fear of rejection. Having been with my hubby for 10 years, having had and nursed 3 kids within 6 years, being a SAHM for many years and generally not in the best shape of my life didn’t do much for my self image. I have a wonderful husband who thinks the world of me and tells me on a daily basis how much he loves every inch of me but (I’m sure some of you ladies know what I mean when I say) ‘husbands are supposed to say that’ so while it’s nice and appreciated it's not really a marker for if the general population would want to fuck me. I’m a confident person but that has little to do with how I look and the thought of getting naked in front of a stranger sounded more like an episode of fear factor than a fun night out. I truly thought I could say yes to doing this because it would make him happy and in reality nobody was going to get in touch and if they did it was going to be narly old overweight men...in truth I could only picture Mario...as in Mario & Luigi (movie version) so my hopes weren’t very high to say the least. I figured we’d just put the idea to rest once he saw that there just wasn’t any interest. So I said yes kind of to humor him...but much to my surprise I was so wrong.

If you’re on the fence about this and you’re letting your insecurities get in the way of putting yourself out there let me just say from experience...STOP! My husband took a passive approach and kind of just said ‘well let’s make a profile and see what happens” within hours we had messages galore (which he gloats about to this day...he was right, I admit it).Of course there were the marios and luigis (and the koopas) but there also a plethora of incredibly attractive, fit, mature guys who were getting in touch. I was pleasantly surprised and had to actually really think about if this was something I could go through with. Now I can’t say that my attitude has changed, I still see myself the same as I always have but after putting myself out there a few times and not having a single door slammed in my face when I show up for a date I feel a lit less insecure about meeting guys who are leaps and bounds outta my league. As far as getting naked in front of a stranger it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I’m still nervous and I’m definitely my own worst critic but here’s what did it for me: I’ve been meeting up with and fucking the same guy for months now...it was only a few weeks ago when we were talking about scars did he notice my c-section scar. Ladies...how does someone miss that?!? If he wasn’t so genuinely surprised I’d completely believe he was blowing smoke up my ass but I had to point it out and only then did he notice and said he’s truly never noticed. It made me realize that I was being far too hard on myself and holding myself back in assuming that someone would only notice my flaws. I don’t have much advice there other than if you can try it out you will almost certainly be surprised at the attention and appreciation you’re shown. As far as practical advice it helped me at first to find guys who were a little older, had been married, had kids, etc...I figured those guys have already seen some things so a few scars, marks or cellulite isn’t going to freak them out or turn them off completely. It worked and after meeting them and having a good time with nothing but compliments after the fact I got over a lot of my little insecurities. Also it helps to send/share/post pictures that accurately represent what you look like naked. I don’t want to be the bait and switch hook up so I make sure that my pics are recent and clear...even fully nude ones. If you see them and still want to meet then I won’t be worried that you’re expectations aren’t met. It’s not easy to put yourself out there but if that’s what holding you back then take it from my experience...there will be tons of people who are looking for exactly what you have to offer.

In our case I wasn’t worried about this being called a cheater. I never gave much thought to what others thought of me and my relationships and I wasn’t about to start let the opinions of others dictate my sex life. For us hotwifing is something we enjoy as a couple, we share details, photos and more. My husband helps me set up dates and get ready, he’s involved in any and every way that he desires so I don’t feel in any way that I’m being unfaithful to him. I’ve always felt that cheating is ‘anything I would be uncomfortable doing if my spouse was sitting right next to me’ and since my husband is supportive and encouraging this fantasy it doesn’t fall under that, therefor...not cheating! (imo). I know many people have religious, moral and ethical beliefs that run deep and it’s hard to shake those off in order to mentally and emotionally ‘make this ok’ but I’m a woman of loose morals and joy and compassion are my religion so I have no ‘man in the sky’ telling me what to do with my vagina which means the decision to do this doesn’t give me feelings of guilt or shame (quite the opposite actually). I do have a fairly religious family though so I understand how difficult it can me for some women to do anything that they perceive as immoral. I really hope someone here has been through this and is willing to share what worked because I get a lot of messages where morals/religion is the obstacle to making this happen for couples and as much as I wish I could be of assistance I don’t share that mentality so it’s difficult.

I could write a dissertation on each but I’ll spare you too much of my rambling and turn this over to you and end my short rabmbling. I’d love to hear from you what obstacles you faced before starting and how you overcame it. I get so many messages from husbands and couples that really want to explore this BUT there’s an issue that’s preventing it and they can’t see the trees through the forest so they want/need the tools to move past the issues. If you feel like you have anything to add please do so and hopefully we can help a few couples/husband and wives get another perspective and help to jump start the conversation with some examples and real world experiences in hand.

*It should go without saying but some people are really dense so I’ll say it: If your spouse does not want to engage in this guilting, persuading or convincing them to try it is a terrible (and selfish) idea. Do not do that! If you’re spouse is willing to talk about it and/or has reservations that’s a springboard for communication about it. It’s not a foot in the door to push them into doing something that they will later regret. If you care about your spouse more than about fulfilling your fantasy you’ll realize that putting this on their shoulders when they aren’t ready or wanting is a sure fire way to make them feel terrible and jeopardize your relationship.