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So a bit of context here.
I've been with my wife almost 20 years now. We've had our ups and downs through the years but generally we are pretty happy with our marriage and I really can't complain about our sex life it has its ups and downs too but overall id say it's healthy.
We've never been the couple for any one single kink. We go through spurts of stuff. Like for example we will randomly do bondage one time and then we will be into bondage heavily for like the next month or two then the lure of it will die out and we won't do any bondage for like a year or two. We will have normal sex for a while and then one day we will use a toy and we will be on like a toy kick for a month or two. We've never been the couple to keep at the same thing consistently, we enjoy variety.
Over the last couple years though I've been really turned on by the thought of sharing my wife with another man. Nothing humiliating but more of it being like it's my choice to share my sexy wife. I'm now at the point where it's the only fantasy that I can pleasure myself too. When it's me and her I can finish no problem at all, but lately if I am by myself it's the only fantasy I can get to climax with.
I have fantasized about it so much that I know which things I am for sure NOT ok with, which things I'm on the fence with and which things I'm really turned on by.
I brought it up casually in conversation about a year ago just to gauge what she even thought of it.
She brought up something that happened a many many years ago.
We were hosting a party and the alcohol was flowing and her friend was kind of instigating a threesome with the two of us. We excused our self from the party to a private room and started getting into it. Everything was good, we were all kissing and touching and rubbing eachother. Then I pulled my wife's panties off and laid down and made her sit on my face. I was expecting her friend to give me a blow job but she skipped that part completely and just Just sat on my dick and ess fucking me with no condom. After I few minutes I couldn't wait to fuck my wife. I got up bent them both over on the couch and was playing with her friends pussy and I grabbed my dick to glide into my wife's pussy and I said the stupidest thing ever...." You're next" my wife immediately said I can't fucking do this and left the room. I was devastated. I didn't mean it the way she took it. It was just a hot moment and I honestly couldn't wait to fuck my wife. My wife didn't like that she was "next" Truthfully I am not into her friend at all. Personality wise she's stupid as fuck, I don't think she was a pretty girl either, but her body was half decent, so this was more just like a bucket lists thing for me. And now my wife was upset about the whole thing for like the next few weeks it was kinda the elephant in the room.
So when I mentioned bringing a man into the bedroom she was just like I don't know, we tried a threesome before and look how that turned out. I didn't want to push the subject.
I tried steer myself away from the idea after that. But it's became like an itch I couldn't scratch, the harder I tried to forget about it the more I fucking wanted it.
About six month after I brought it up the first time, she brought up the topic of what were into lately. Like I said we tend tp go through spurts with our kinks and at that point we had been having pretty plain sex for a while and she was was obviously looking to add a bit of spice to our sex lives. I tried to play it off and told her I was into toys at the time. But she could tell that wasn't entirely true. She knows me and I have a shitty poker face. She she started digging on me to tell her what was really on my mind. So I messed up and told her that I think it would be so fucking hot to bring another guy into the bedroom. She asked why? She didn't understand it and I was caught off guard and didn't know how to explain it right at that moment either. I told her the rules that would be off limits for me and the things I am not Isure wether id be ok with or not amd she was like whoa you've actually out a lot of thought into this.
I didnt tell her how much I've actually been fanatizing about it because she was a little weirded out by it.
I asked if it's something she'd ever consider and she gave me a genuine I don't know. So then I asked her what's she's been into lately and she said role play. She's been fantazing about us pretending to not know eachother and her being at a abe and me walking in sitting at the other end and thenbuying her a drink and picking her up taking her home and fucking her.
So week or two later I set it up when she got home I had the bed set up like a massage parlor. And I was acting like a masseuse and told her her husband booked this massage and all that and I was really playing the part but i was kind of emphahsiing that she had a husbad and she wasnt keen that she was "cheating" in the role.. she said she would of prefer if she was single for it. I thought maybe it would help scratch the itch for me if we roleplayed something close to what I was fantasies about but all it did was make it worse for me.
I stuck a dildo to our head board and watched her lay on her back and fuck it and while I jerked off.... I cam so fucking hard all over her tits in like 90 seconds and I didn't even go soft I stayed hard and then made passionate love to her and came again but in her pussy this time. It was so fucking hot and she was wet because of how turned on I was by it.
But again this just made me want this even more now
I'm lost and don't know what to do. I don't not want to force her into something she truly doesn't want to do. The sexist part about the whole thing is seeing my wife enjoy herself and I'd love to see her enjoying herself from a different pov.
I dont want to be "in the lifestyle full time' but this is something I'd like to pull out once or twice a year just like we do either our other kinks.
Sorry for the long drawn out details but I figured the more context I can give the more better advice I can get tailored to my exact situation
Any advice on how to deal with what I'm feeling or to address the situation would be greatly appreciated?
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