Hi. My husband recently shared he has this fantasy with me, and I was seriously shocked. I never imagined this would be something he would be interested in.

My first reaction was a hard NO on ever doing anything like this. We have kids and I’m in okay shape but not like I was ten years ago. I also can’t imagine actually…doing things with someone besides my husband.

But after I started to really fantasize about it, something about it did turn me on, which made me feel a little ashamed. It’s just a lot to handle I guess.

Before we were married, I definitely went through a…phase I guess. Haha. I was pretty promiscuous with a group of work friends and slept around, got into some situations I regret. My husband has always asked me about those times but I always feel ashamed to give him too much detail. I know it’s hot for him to hear about the things I did during those years, but not all of it was fun looking back. He doesn’t understand.

Anyway part of me worries that going through with something like a hotwife fantasy is “opening” up that side of me again. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I love my husband and would never dare cheat on him. The person I was in my early 20s is a different person.

I also, well, I guess there’s no way to put this other than I’m worried about having an orgasm with another man. I’m worried that will hurt my husband or make him feel invalidated. We often use toys and vibrators to get me there these days (been having sex for over a decade now). But I also know my body, and if someone new is touching me…I don’t think I’ll need toys or vibrators. Is this a normal fear?

I apologize if any of this is scattered or seems weird. Just trying to figure out where I’m at with all of this.