Hi all,

This weekend just gone my partner and I did our first hot wife experience. I’d like to share this to provide some insights for those considering but also reaching out for any advice from anybody to help the situation.

Background -

A fantasy discussed over 4 years, gradually building and developing. Never really considered reality until an acquaintance (known to my partner) reached out on social media. That’s when the fantasy moved to real life as flirting occurred , a date was secured and the meet went ahead whilst I was away. My partner was very excited by it and it was a joint decision to do this, although now in hindsight she believes if we didn’t do it this time, we would have just done it another.

What we didn’t do -

We didn’t set boundaries. We didn’t build this up. We went straight from sexting to sex and a meet with me out of town. We didn’t sit down and thoroughly discuss what could happen, the implications mentally, socially and our future. We didn’t pick someone who was unknown to us both, presenting anxieties around if said person tells a friend.

What happened -

He came over. Partner stopped short of sex due to guilt but in her horny haze said she enjoyed the experience doing all foreplay. Her excitement continued for a day or two with her excited and adamant she wanted to do it again. The experience was thrilling and exciting although an hour before it happened I tried to stop it as my emotions grew dark. My partner reassured me it would be fine and went through with it. We had sex 6 times fantasising about it afterwards. Partner suppressed her emotions at first, adamantly telling herself internally it was the right thing to do, however when vanilla life returned - her morality towards it kicked in.

What we have realised now -

Partner is ridden with guilt and shame for what she has done. In her words, she has caused so much harm personally and to us for the sake of 30 mins of pleasure.

I have struggled badly and contributed to this. Insecurities laid bare as she admitted her enjoyment and his penis size. The crazy thing is that she says the foreplay itself actually wasn’t great, was somewhat awkward at points, and aside from d size, she just thought about me the whole time. She does - however - admit that the experience is exciting and thrilling because you know the fantasy is realised and it’s ‘wrong’. I firmly believe horny thoughts are not to be trusted because immediately after this.. she says she feels sick at the thought of it and that she has been convincing herself it was enjoyable.

We are struggling to communicate as neither of us feel good about the situation. Unless I pull myself together quick she will also lose respect for me as this is already in flight now & you can sense it from her as we spend evenings trying to do and speak about other stuff aside from this big old mess we’ve created.

Therapy is already on the cards for me to establish my own inner demons from this experience.

It takes one hell of a mentally strong male to not feel bad ways towards the whole thing. The issue is, when you show emotion towards it, it contributes to your partners regret and sadness towards the event. However, if you show no emotion at all, it presents an issue that your partner believes you don’t care.

The fantasy itself becomes an area of resentment and because it is attached and intertwined in your relationship, your partner can start to resent the relationship and you too.

Your partner distances herself completely from sex, providing even further angst and confusion.

Your partner continues to tell you she loves you deeply and you both fight ever so hard to suppress the mental trauma and thinking but worlds collide when one party deals with the trauma by talking but the other just wants to forget about it and move on. This then leads to arguments which leads to further distancing and pain.

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I know this might read as just another story gone wrong. This was a genuinely shared decision that we made, not a situation where one person suggests it more or another.

But after 7 years of a rock solid relationship built on trust and without another in it… I have firmly realised that you cannot ‘just have sex’ with somebody else to satisfy the hot wife fantasy, and expect to come out the other side without damaging yourself, your partner and also your relationship. There needs to be SO much preparation and communication for this to have any chance of working out. Please if you do love your girlfriend, be very mindful of it. It has broken both of our hearts and left us extremely confused as to where and how we move forward together.