Will try to make this short. Several years ago I (46yo) confessed to my wife (46yo) about my fantasy of watching her with another man. She didn’t take it well and we never discussed it. Then, last year she confessed that she cheated on me a few years before- she claimed that they had sex probably 5-6 times. It was during a period where we didn’t have sex very often. Needless to say it turned me on beyond what I expected - I mean we had serious passionate sex the night she told me and for several months after.

She was extremely remorseful, pleaded that she would never want to cheat again, and while his dick was bigger than mine (I asked, she didn’t volunteer that detail), she claimed the sex wasnt that good.

We were uneasy with how turned on I was, she was surprised and didn’t know how to take it, but had reminded me of my fantasy (as if I needed reminded). She said that she read up on it and is willing to try it for me.

We explored, she hates app dating, wanted to just meet someone in a bar. But we have a young child and that’s difficult. We created an account on Feeld, and she met for coffee one guy (was much older than his profile said) and she went out for drinks with a second guy, who didn’t seem all that interested in her having a husband. He wasn’t experienced with the situation it seemed. They kissed, she came home super wet and we had amazing sex. Then the next day she messaged him that she wanted to see him again, but he didn’t reciprocate. He wasn’t that interested. It was upsetting, she lost confidence, said she hated the app dating thing and that haulted everything since. The subject hasn’t been broached for months. But during our heightened sexual periods, I purchased sex toys/ vibrators and we periodically have fun with them. Lately I’m noticing she uses them a lot when I’m at work, but when we’re getting ready for bed, there isn’t a lot of initiating between us.

I desperately want to try the hotwife/Feeld dating again. I LOVE the kink ones I feel and the sex that we have. I find myself consumed with the idea. Fantasize about her meeting someone at work or cheating behind my back.

But I don’t want her to think I’m only interested in sex with that scenario. And I don’t want to push it.

What should I do?